The Truth About “Fine” Living (As Seen In Magazines)

Did you know that architectural photographs lie?

Yep, they sell you a lifestyle, one you might crave, but is it one that is realistic?

When you find yourself drooling over a home in a design magazine, always take a closer look at the rooms you love. In this room, featured in the December 2014 edition of Elle Decor, this sweet bedroom looks complete and inviting - but notice that three or four of the six elements on the night stand are, in fact, temporary elements:

• The purple sweet peas will quickly fade.
• The decanter of water and glass would need to be collected and washed.
• Theoretically that book would be picked up to be read. 

The lamp and artwork will remain lovely, but without the other items, the nightstand would look a little sparse. 

Credit: Elle Decor

When you aspire to emulate a staged photo in a decor magazine, consider whether you are the kind of person who’s likely to keep fresh flowers on the nightstand. I know I’d love to, but the reality is that the flowers would stay there long after they’d faded, and dead flowers are much worse than no flowers at all. 

To recreate this look in a lower maintenance way, think of a way to complete the vignette with elements that can stay put. Maybe a potted plant in a lavender container, and a glass figurine instead of the decanter of water. In this case I would also have looked for a lamp with a larger base to more fully balance out the generous size of the nightstand. 

Never be intimidated by the images you see in the magazines. Let them inspire you, but take them with a grain of salt. They are carefully staged to sell you the idea of a home - it’s okay to adapt the ideas to your real life.

Have fun, and here’s to being happy at home!

What To Learn From High End Design: Scale Is Everything

Whether the style of this picture (as seen in the December 2014 issue of Elle Decor) is for you or not, there is an important lesson to be drawn from this room. If you count the number of objects in the space, there are really just 11 elements in the entire room: a mirror, a ceiling fixture, end tables, table lamps, a sofa, a pair of chairs, a coffee table, a large piece of art, a rug, a vase of flowers, and a stack of books. Yet it reads as a fully decorated, done space. Why is that? Because each of the elements is large enough and interesting enough to do the work of decorating the space. When you have 11 strong elements, you don’t need any more stuff to make the room feel finished. 

Credit: Elle Decor

It can be scary to spend up for the larger rug or the more interesting lamp with a chunky, textural base but, if done with care, it can actually save you money because you need fewer things in the room to make it feel “done.”

Now, your level of “done” will vary, and you might prefer a more traditional room or more numerous artful objects in your space, but the next time you are deciding on things to bring in to your space, ask yourself - is this item really doing its job?

Have courage, and here’s to being happy at home!

Claim Your Spot In The Sun: How Your Home Can Help You

A recent Tumblr image of "men taking up too much space on a train" caught my eye...  two men on a subway train, legs splayed out, penning in a tightly compressed, contained woman. I think it struck me as extra funny because I've had that "overflowing" experience with my husband on plane trips, his body spilling freely past his seat, me politely contained in my spot. I (affectionately) call him "Mr. Elbows". But aside from making me identify a cultural curiosity within my own marriage, that image also got me thinking about myself as a woman and how I make myself be seen and heard in the world.

Then, last week, enjoying my morning walk on a local trail, I noticed a similar male vs female phenomena as I passed other walkers on the path. As men approached other walkers they stayed center to the trail, while nearly every woman moved aside. The men greeted each passerby with confident "good mornings," while women spoke it more gently, often in response to someone else saying it first, and also frequently with a rather apologetic smile. I became hyper-aware of my own greetings. Did I greet first? Second? Did I use a quiet, timid voice or a confident, assertive voice? Did I move aside, or did we equally share the trail? 

[Photo from Tumblr]

Of course that made me wonder, as an interior designer, how can my work help women (or introverted men) be seen and heard?

For me, my home is an integral part to how I begin my day. When I wake up in my home, I smile as I look around my bedroom. It is tidy, sensual, and looks onto my beautiful woodsy yard. From the moment I wake, I feel supported, present, affirmed, clear about who I am. 

By feeling supported at home, I leave the house with my head higher, shoulders back, and then speak to strangers, colleagues and clients with more confidence. My clothes and colors, the cleanliness of my car, my smile, they all remind me that I'm Rebecca West and I have a place in this world. I have every right to every inch of my plane seat, to an equal share of the trail. I have a right to be seen and heard.

On the other hand, if you wake up to a home that looks like it belongs to someone else, or to a room that is stuck in a moment in your history that is past or hurtful, or to a place that is falling apart and speaks of failure and not success, you will, naturally, start your day off in a very different place and have to work harder to hold those shoulders back and demand your place in the sunshine. That's not to say it can't be done - people do it every day - but why not start your day off in a place of support and love?

In the end, I don't want anyone, male or female, to diminish their power. There is room enough for all of us to be confident, and each of us have the responsibility to speak up and take up a good chunk of space in this world. I mean, if you don't take the space, someone else probably will. Why not make the moment yours? And in a world where every magazine cover would have you believe you're not tall enough, sexy enough, or smart enough, you have to create spaces that smile back at you, that say YOU ARE ENOUGH! - spaces that encourage you to stake a claim in your life. Whether that starts at home, in your closet, or in your cubicle, it's time to be seen and heard. No apologies. 

I may not be the next "Ms. Elbows," but plan to share the road (or trail) with me!

Can Color Increase Satisfaction in the Bedroom?

Since we are embarking on our honeymoon as this is published I have travel on the brain, so I thought I’d share a little bit about what I look for when I am booking a hotel, and how it relates to how I think about bedroom design. 

My most favorite hotel that I have ever stayed in is the Opus Hotel in Vancouver, BC. It is gorgeous! The rooms, instead of being boring hotel beige, are painted colors like luscious reds, electric ocean blues, and deep, sexy charcoal grays. I walk into those rooms and automatically feel sexy - waaaay sexier - than I do in a boring beige room. Seriously, check out their rooms - yum!

What is amazing to me is that more hotels don’t choose to use vibrant color on their walls - it’s just paint, and nearly everything else in the Opus rooms are more standard hotel choices. 

What’s even more amazing to me is that so few people take the time to make their own master bedrooms sensual retreats. Even folks who spend time and money creating welcoming living rooms, inviting guest rooms, and adorable kids' rooms often neglect their own bedrooms.

That is so silly because of all the places in our home, the bedroom more that any other rooms sets the tone for our days. We wake up every day in our bedroom, finish every day there, too - it is an integral part of our daily experience of life. In that space we love our partners, wrestle with our kids, cuddle with the dog… why not make it an embracing, comforting, sensual space instead of a plain white box filled with junk mail, laundry, and unread magazines?

So join me in the spirit of romance. I’ve chosen all my hotels in Italy for our honeymoon with excitement and romance in mind, why not make sure it’s at home in our everyday spaces, too?

Here’s to a romantic season of love, no matter what the calendar says!

Too Skinny? 4 Things That May Not Measure Up

We all like the idea of skinny, but some things in your home need to have substance to really do their job. When it comes to home design and decor, here's today's question:

Q: What are four things that tend to be too skimpy in our homes?  

A: Area rugs, curtains, lamps, and art.

Area Rugs: Rugs are supposed to soften a room, anchor the furniture, and be a key element in your decorating. Too often, though, we are afraid to spend up for the 8x10 and get the 5x8 instead. The result? A room that looks cluttered, busy, and unfinished. When choosing an area rug, pick a size that will go under all the main seating pieces (sofa, chairs, etc) or at least allow the two front feet of each piece to be on the rug. You almost can’t go too big, just aim to leave about foot of space between the edge of the rug and the walls. Afraid it will cover up too much of your beautiful hardwood floors? Think of it like a beautiful woman - sometimes the skin revealed is that much more lovely because of what the evening gown covers up.

Curtains: In the Northwest we don't like to cover up our windows too much because we want to let the light in. We opt for naked windows or just simple grommetted curtains. There is nothing wrong with that in the least, but if you are going to hang curtains, make sure to choose a good sized rod with attractive finials - a chunky 1.5" rod does so much more to dress your windows than a skinny 1/2" rod.  More importantly, hang lined curtains! Generally speaking, unlined curtains will look more like bedsheets hanging from your windows, reminiscent of your college days instead of a grown-up home. There are plenty of off-the-shelf lined curtain options, so banish the bedsheet-look asap!

Lamps: Lamps should be both art and light. Their functionality comes in three forms. First, to give enough light. That means that the bulb size and wattage is enough to light the area you are trying to light. It also means that the shade lets light through - colored, opaque, and stained-glass shades might be beautiful, but they also reduce the light coming from the lamp. Second, they have to be easy to use. That means they are sturdy and won't tip over easily. They must be easy to turn on from a wall or easy-to-find switch. They also must not be fragile - no temperamental switches, no wobbly shades, no broken bases. Third, they should be artful enough that you don't need a bunch of other clutter to make the table feel decorated. A candlestick lamp from the drug store might give enough light and be easy to use, but really falls flat when it comes to creating a warm, inviting, finished room. Swapping it for a globe-shaped hammered bronze lamp, or a glazed porcelain ginger jar lamp can make such a difference to feeling great in your room!

Art: Whether we are talking a ten-dollar poster from Ikea or an original Picasso, most people go too-small with their art, and expect a 12x16 print to fill an 8 foot wall. Make sure your artwork can do its job either by buying larger art in the first place, creating galleries by partnering several small pieces together, framing small art in large frames with generous mats, or creating a mat on the wall with paint to anchor small (or several small) individual pieces.

Every room will feel more warm, inviting, and finished if the items in it are doing their job. A room, even a small room, that is full of too-small objects and art will always end up feeling cluttered and naked. This year, try going BIG and see what a difference it can make!

The right paint color can help you move on from divorce

So you are divorced, and you are sitting in the living room looking around at the house you once shared with your ex. All the memories of your past are staring you in the face. Everything in that room echoes with memories.

Being surrounded by your past is not a good way to move forward, but you're not in a position to move. What can you do?

When that happened to me I got out the paint. I painted every surface a new color, and moved the furniture around so that I literally had a new perspective - on the room and on life. By making these simple changes inside my home it made me feel like a fresh start was possible, and gave me the courage to make bigger changes (like starting Rivalee Design).

In the last five years I've helped my clients do the same thing. One lovely lady had spent four years staring the stuff her ex left behind, until she hired me to come and help clear out the baggage.  With every box that went to goodwill I watched her physically lighten, and she began to smile more easily.  Another energetic gal had moved into a new condo of her own after divorce, but was feeling sad and blue because the space felt so impersonal and beige. We brightened her space with pumpkin colored paint and a zebra rug, and helped her create a space that felt just like the new 'her.'

Making over a room make not feel like the obvious answer to how to move on from your divorce, but it's a small, safe way to create change in a life that needs some new answers, and give you the courage to move forward in bigger ways, too.

Sex Sells, even in interior design

You will be forgiven if you're not quite sure what they're selling in this ad.  And yet you can't quite look away, right?  In case you are wondering, it is a light fixture, the one he's holding front of his, um, nether-regions.

Even in interior design, sex sells.  It wouldn't be needed if the things we bought for our homes were strictly necessary, but rarely are the things we purchase a true "need."  Really, we buy lifestyles, dreams, and wishes.  That is one of the reasons so many projects go over budget.  It's not that we needed to spend an extra $5,000 (or $50,000) in order to get a functional kitchen, but that fireclay farmhouse sink was just "so perfect" and just sets the scene for our own white-picket-fence-perfect family gatherings.  Much like a wedding, a remodel becomes more about our fantasies than our realities, and many retailers (and designers) are ready to encourage that.

How can you avoid getting caught up in budget-blowing fantasies? One trick is to enjoy your next edition of Elle Decor a little differently.  Really pay attention to the ads, look at what they are selling. By becoming aware of the subconscious (though not really that subtle) messages of the life you could have if only you bought these sheets, that light, this sofa, it will make you a more educated buyer and ready to make decisions that are right for you, and for your budget. 

Mood changing colors: Benjamin Moore's Soleil

The sun has come out this week in Seattle, and you can feel it in the brightness of people smiles.  It brings out the sundresses, the convertibles, and the iced lattes, and everyone is just a little friendlier than usual.  Just like the sun is able to brighten a person's mood, color can, too.  One of the most obvious happy-colors is, of course, yellow.

Yellow is the color of optimism, brightness, cheery attitude and mental clarity.  It can promote creative, clear, upbeat thinking and decision making, ease depression, and encourage laughter.  It's not for everyone, of course, and the wrong yellow, or yellow for the wrong person, can increase irritability and hyperactivity.  But as with any color, used well, it's lovely.

Benjamin Moore's Soleil lifts the mood atop of grey Sparrow and creates sunny harmony in this dining room.

One of my favorite yellows is Benjamin Moore's Soleil.  When a client tells me they want a yellow room, it is one of the first places I look and so often, it is perfect. I have used it to create a warm and happy dining room, a sophisticated and joyful bedroom, and an inviting and warm home office.

Now, don't get me wrong, it's quite yellow.  When you put it on all four walls you are not going to wonder if you ended up with a yellow.  But unlike the many (too many) yellow paint colors out there, this one won't scream CAUTION at you.  It won't get bitter or sharp.  It won't get babyish.  It's just... right.  Give it a try, or write to me for a couple of my other favorites.

Have fun, and don't fear color.  It's just paint!

Personal Note: "Interior Designer" or "Interior Decorator"? What's in a name?

Recently there was a post on Linked-In asking "How do you handle it when someone calls you a decorator instead of a designer, without offending them?" Some responses pointed out that some of the biggest historical names in interiors (Billy Baldwin, Sister Parish) were all "Interior Decorators" and suggested embracing the title.  In fact, Billy Baldwin abhorred the title "Interior Designer."   Others asked "who cares what they call you as long as they write the check?" Still others said they had "studied too hard and put in too many hours to be called a 'decorator'."

I am definitely in the camp of 'who cares what they call me.' Not because the client has the power of check-writing, but because my mission is to help people feel more at home in their home.  If they need decorating services and I can help with that, great! If they need help with a remodel and I can help with that, great! If they just need help letting go of Aunt Suzie's armoire and I can help with that, great!

Rebecca West, a designer for "the rest of us." 

We all came to be home interior professionals from different paths.  For some the *art* of the project and being on the cutting edge of design is paramount, and the title will go hand in hand with the position they seek to establish for themselves in the design world.  Others have been spurned too many times by an Architect who called them 'just a decorator' without any respect for what a color and materials specialist brings to the table, and the training to be a 'designer' comes with a great deal of pride in that investment.

What bothers me is that there is still this lack of respect *within* the design community for our colleagues. There are plenty of clients in the world for a stadium full of designers, decorators, redesigners, stagers, and color consultants.  Instead of getting hung up on titles and heirarchy, why not create a collaborative, supportive environment so that we can more easily bring beauty and order to this chaotic world?

Am I too plebeian in my world view?  Maybe.  With catch-phrases like "Design for the rest of us" and "Design for real people"I doubt my voice will be heard among the upper echelons of the design world.  But I stand by my opinion because, in the end, the client's needs should always be paramount.  For me, that means that no question is too small, no worry too inconsequential, if it leads to a happier life and home for the client.  The title has no bearing on that outcome.

On a Personal Note: On being a solo-preneur and charging reasonable design rates

This month I have been doing a lot of thinking about my role in Rivalee Design.  For five wonderful years the company has continued to grow, offering more services, broadening the scope of projects, and hosting classes and seminars on design. There are times when I question my own capacity to be the sole designer at Rivalee Design. I don't know what the future holds but so far I have kept to the sole designer model for a very specific reason. I am not trying to grow a big design firm. Since day one the relationship I have with my clients has been my #1 motivation in working every day. To outsource that relationship to a team of interns or junior designers would mean that I would not get to work as closely with each clients as I prefer. As I said, I don't know what the future holds, but I will hold to this ideal as long as I can.

My other guiding value is to make design as accessible as posssible, and try to keep my rates and the way I work as available to 'real people' as I can. I know that in order to do that and still meet my other personal goals, I have to find other ways to spread my message and reach the public. What will that mean? For one, it will mean writing! Two books currently in the works, one on the Empty Nest and feeling at home in a now-empty home, and one on Divorce and creating a new life and space when newly single. Next January watch for a collaborative workshop for women in their 40s 50s and 60s ready to launch their third chapter. And I am also in the talks with a production company to create a series of educational videos. It's going to be a busy year, but another exciting one.  

Oh, and did I mention I'm planning a wedding on top of all of that? Come the end of the year I might need a very, very long nap.

Personal Note: Video on what I do at Rivalee Design

If you hear something "From the horse's mouth" it means that you hear it directly from the person concerned or responsible.  Well, here I am with a quick take on what I do at Rivalee Design.  

Is the chair worth your marriage? Notes on compromise, design, and marriage.

I just finished a delightful book called Spousonomics.  I enjoyed it not only because it gave me a fresh way to look at the constant adventure of marriage, but put it in the unfluffy language of economics, as in simple supply and demand.  Sound dry and boring?  It's anything but!  Witty, lighthearted, smart and resourceful, I'd recommend it to newlyweds and long-term partners alike.  

What does this have to do with design?  Well, you know how in the TV show Frasier, Frasier's dad Marty Crane insisted on brining his ugly, icky worn chair into Frasier's perfectly decorated living room?  In part of the book one of the authors reveals the love she held for her own chair, and her husband's feelings about said chair: 

"Nothing did quite as much damage [to the marriage] as the La-Z-Boy.  Paula loved that chair.  She’d owned it for nearly a decade, and she’d dragged it with her every time she changed apartments.  She’d cuddled in it with her bipolar cat before she had to give him up for adoption for being too bipolar.  She’d sat in it listening to depressing Joni Mitchell songs after a long, drawn-out breakup.  That chair wasn’t just a chair; it was a trusted friend.  Upholstered in a soft, worn-in, mud brown velour, it had great lumbar support and a footrest.  It was the most comfortable seat in the house.  How could anyone think otherwise?

Apparently, Nevi could.  When he looked at the chair, he didn’t see good ergonomics or the warm patina of lost youth.  He saw an ugly, frayed, cat-piss-stained brown lump in the middle of his living room.  He said that Paula was overly sentimental about her possessions and that her love for the chair was “unhealthy.”  He said that every time he looked at it, he cringed.  He said in made him unhappy.  

Which Paula thought was insane.  How could merely looking at a chair make a person unhappy?  Wasn’t Nevi being a little melodramatic?"

The author goes on to write:

"In Paula’s case, it wasn’t just that she loved the chair - it was that she couldn’t stand the pain of losing the chair.  Losing it meant losing everything the chair had come to symbolize: her independent single days, her freedom to buy what she wanted and decorate how she wanted, and her ability to sit around doing nothing all day without having to consider the needs of someone else."

And then she asks "was the chair worth another year of fighting with Nevi?"

When I work with my clients I have to help them see their stuff for what it really is, just stuff.  Sometimes this story will end with Nevi coming to terms with how important the chair is to Paula, and letting it be.  Sometimes it will end with Paula understanding that it's just a chair, and letting it go does not mean she has given up her independence or youthful spirit.  And sometimes, in giving up the chair, Paula will realize that while yes, her youth may be in the past, her present is really wonderful and not something to disregard as less worthy than her spirited youth.  

Just like Paula and Nevi, or Frasier and his dad, you might have something in your life of your own or your partner's that is causing friction.  Take a moment to think about the real value of the item, and of the person.  If you can get a little perspective, it might bring a little peace back into the home.

Want prosperity? Then dress (your home) for success!

You've heard that you should "dress for the job you want", but did you know you should also dress your home for the life that you want?

• Want to be a healthy, energetic person? Is your kitchen a room that invites cooking healthy meals or is it set up for grab-and-go eating?
• Want to be a successful business person? Is your office the room of a successful entrepreneur or the cave of a messy middleman?
• Want to be a generous, giving person? Is your home neat and clutter-free, or are you hoarding lots of stuff that someone else could really use and would love to have?

This is a great time to determine where you are in your life and where you want to be. Take a moment to reflect on this past year and decide what kind of life you want and what kind of person you want to be in the coming year.  Make sure that your home supports those goals, that you have a bedroom that lets you rest comfortably, a kitchen that makes it easy to cook healthily, a living room that encourages conversation, and an office that supports your career goals.  Let go of the past and leap into your future, and remember:

"You can't write the next part of your story if you keep rereading the last chapter in your life!"

A different kind of holiday wishlist

We're coming up on a time of year that tends to be about buying a lot of 'stuff' cleverly camouflaged as gifts.  Have you noticed that many of the gifts we exchange at Christmas just add to the piles of unnecessary things in our houses?  This year, why not take a different approach to the Christmas wishlist?  This idea is more economical because it calls on your skills instead of your wallet, it's better for our home because it doesn't bring in more 'stuff', and can potentially create more lasting memories as you work with your friends and family to accomplish something.
Take a tour of your home and make a list of all the things you've been putting of or meaning to do - glue the leg on your dining room chair, replace those burnt out light bulbs, repaint the front door, swap out the kitchen faucet, take that load in the garage to goodwill.  Then email the wishlist to your partner, friends and family and ask them for help with these things as your Christmas gift this year instead of 'stuff'.  In turn, ask them to email their own wishlist - you might be surprised what they could use a hand with that you might find easy to do!  How great would it be to start the new year with all those little things accomplished, and know that you helped out your friends, too!
Normally I clean my car, gutters and windows myself.  It's one of those things I can do so I am too cheap to hire someone else to do it for me.  But I HATE doing it - it's cold, wet, and messy.  So last year, for Christmas, my family hired someone else to do this for me.  My dad got my a gift certificate to detail the interior of my car (he's in Kentucky or he'd have done it himself), a friend's handyman-husband cleared the gutters, and Paneless Window Cleaning came and did the windows.  Not only was it such a luxury, but they all did the job so much better than I ever had.  These were gifts I really treasured and would not ever have purchased for myself.
Happy gifting!

Do you deserve a beautiful home?

The simple answer is... YES!

But if you're still not sure you deserve to create a welcoming, nurturing, beautiful home, consider these questions for Sandra Felton in her book "Messie No More":

• Why not be among those who are thrilled to invite people over on the spur of the moment? 
• Why not be the person to whom people say, "Your house is so lovely!" 
• Why not have people over for meals without working yourself to death to get ready? 
• Why not have a house that raises your self-esteem rather than tears it down? 
• Why not have a house filled with your favorite colors and accents? 
• Why not have a house that reflects peace so that others love to come over?

Dining room and kitchen by Rivalee Design

The question is not "why should we have a nice house?". The real question is, why not?

Is your ex still haunting your house?

After your ex moves out of the house one of the challenges is to turn "our" home into "my" home, but it can be hard to get that "at home" feeling when your ex is still haunting your home!

When your ex moved out they didn't take *everything* with them... they left behind the Memories.  The sofa you bought together, the pictures of you both with your friends last summer, the wedding gift from your aunt, the print from that winery you picked up on your honeymoon... the list goes on and on.  How do you get rid of those ghosts without setting a match to it all and walking away?

Recently, while being interviewed for an upcoming documentary on divorce in the USA, they asked if I have my clients throw everything out in order to start fresh after a divorce. I said "no, of course not" and explained that not only is that prohibitively expensive for most of my clients, but that relaunching doesn't mean having to toss everything and buy all new. For each client we have to start by figuring out what in the home needs to go, what needs to stay, and what needs to be put away for a while. And if there are kids involved we also have to figure out what they need to stay connected to the other parent, without holding anyone back from moving forward. It's not easy.

Then I explained that small changes can go a really long way to helping the recently-divorced person move on from the embarrassment, pain, and heartache of the breakup and move on to the terrifying excitement of a new start in life. Fresh paint, for example, can transform a room and create a new mood in just a few hours, whether you are wanting to feel newly sensual, newly youthful, or newly adventurous!

If you feel like your ex is still haunting your home and your just not sure where to start, try these four tips:

1. Make one small change. Just rearrange the living room furniture. Just put fresh flowers on the kitchen table. Just repaint your bedroom. One small, manageable, bite-size change can start the process of healing and help you get some forward motion if you are feeling stuck.

2. Give yourself permission to let go. Just because that sofa was expensive doesn't mean you can't sell it on Craigslist if it is making you miserable. It's just a sofa, and it's not worth your misery.

3. Give yourself permission to hold on. If your friends are telling you to throw out your wedding photos but it doesn't feel right to you, then put them safely in a box so that you don't have the day-to-day visual reminder of your past and the failure of your marriage, and put them on a top shelf in the attic. It's okay if they stay there for a decade, or until you start dating again, or forever. And if you have kids, it's often smart to save them for the inevitable questions that will come up later.

4. Get help. Have a friend (or a professional your trust) go through your home with you and do an 'energy audit' of the space. Walk through each room and get out what you feel when you are in that room. What memories are evoked, what do you feel and what do you wish you felt? Have your friend take notes - this will give you a good overview and the start to a roadmap for the big-picture changes you will need to take on, and help you understand what it is about your house that is haunting you.

Why our homes must change

Show up to work every day in your favorite outfit from the 80's and you wouldn't feel quite as smart, successful, and accomplished. You'd feel silly and people would wonder why you were having so much trouble letting go of the past. Yet many of us still live in homes surrounded by the same furniture, colors and artwork that we had in our last marriage, or when our kids were still toddlers, or when we weighed 60 pounds more.

Author Terah Collins, in "The Western Guide to Feng Shui", writes:

"Embracing change is often resisted in our culture. We are supposed to always look 25, buy furniture once, and choose one career we can stick with for a lifetime. As we all know, life doesn't work that way. Change happens. As we grow older and wiser, we may marry, have children, divorce, remarry, go back to school, change careers, move, make new friends..."

She goes on to explain that we can't fully move forward in life if our homes fail to reflect those changes.

Bedroom BEFORE Rivalee Design

Bedroom AFTER Rivalee Design

Take a look around your home. Try to see it as if you were a new friend visiting for the first time. How would you describe the person that lives there? What gender is this person? Does a single person, couple, or family live here? What is their age? What interests do they have? Do you think they live a happy, energetic, successful life? Does it look like this person is excited about the future and is living fully?

If you home isn't sending you the messages you want then it is time to make a change. You simply can't wake up every day to a home that brings you down and expect to get what you want out of life. Your home should support you and your goals and make you feel great about the life your are living!

Renting doesn't have to feel temporary and bland

When we rent we often feel like we are in a temporary home and there is no sense putting effort or money into making the apartment feel like home.  This can be a big mistake since it can encourage you to treat the rest of your life as temporary too and you might not put the energy into your career, relationships, and yourself that you need to in order to achieve your goals.

Setting aside the concept that all of life is, in fact, temporary, let's agree that the only time we can be sure of having is this moment, right now.  If that is true then the place where you are living right now is your home and is the only place setting the stage for how you start and end your day.  While you might daydream of that perfect home you might someday have, why not make something of the home you are already living in?

Rented Queen Anne Condo BEFORE Rivalee Design

Rented Queen Anne Condo AFTER Rivalee Design

It doesn't have to cost a lot, and it wouldn't make sense to make permanent changes to the space (unless your landlord will reimburse you), but a lush area rug, a coordinated color scheme, even a fresh coat of paint can make you happier in the place in which your are living and give you the feeling of success and motivation you need to pursue your other goals.

Even if you are convinced that you'll be buying your dream home in just another year or two, make the effort to create a home in your current place, because a year or two can become five years before you know it, not to mention that anything can happen in a year.

Let your kids decorate, it's a learning opportunity

Is your son or daughter begging for a bedroom makeover? This is a great chance to teach them about budgeting and let them express their personal taste!

Photo courtesy of archzine.org

First, set a budget. Decide how much money your can afford for the project and decide if the child has to contribute to that fund. For the lessons in this article, it’s not really important for them to contribute, since it’s about budgeting and planning, rather than earning.

Next, decide the parameters. Are the floors off-limits? But an area rug is okay? What about paint? It’s reasonable to let them choose the wall or ceiling color, but what about the trim, molding and doors? Can they paint the furniture, or buy new?

Once the limits are set write them down on paper along with the budget and have everyone sign the decorating contract.  Make sure they understand that they only have this amount of money, that it needs to account for sales tax and shipping, if applicable, and help them create a complete plan before they ever lift a paint brush or buy a comforter. Teach them to ask about return policies at stores and how to care for packaging and save receipts in case they need to take something back.

Make sure the contract states that you get to review the plan before implementation to assure that the limits were kept in mind, but otherwise try to keep your hands off the project. Not only will your kid feel valued by being trusted and allowed to express some personal taste, they’ll come to understand the real cost of goods, learn to prioritize and make choices they must live with, and begin to learn to budget.  They might even care for and clean the room since it is theirs, not yours!  Priceless!

Can a beautiful home make you happy?

In the book “Women and Stress” Jean Lush writes that “beauty and a sense of order in your home are functional. They have a purpose and are not unnecessary luxuries. Creating beauty around us gives us a sense of accomplishment, charges us with energy, and reduces tension.”

Living room by Rivalee Design (www.rivalee.com)

Many of my clients wait years to call me because they feel that spending money on their home is wasteful, self-indulgent and worldly, but as a result they spend those years feeling like their home is unfinished and for many it means that they don’t have friends and family over to enjoy their home because they feel embarrassed.

“Beauty is not just for the rich and famous. It is right for everyone and fundamental to emotional health” writes Lush. And beauty need not be expensive. It’s about prioritizing the items in your home, getting rid of what is not needed, and making the most of what you have. Of course, it usually involves a can of paint and a good vacuuming, too, because while things don’t need to be sterile, they should be clean enough that wrestling on the floor with your kids doesn’t give you a face full of old cheerios and dog hair.

Frank Lloyd Wright taught his students that beauty dissolves conflicts, quiets us within, inspires us, creates a sense of happiness and serenity, refreshes us, and consoles us in times of depression. “Beauty,” he added, “is not unnecessary or impractical.”

If life has you feeling overwhelmed, try spending an afternoon getting one room in order. Take at least 10%, if not 50%, of the stuff to Goodwill. Open the windows and close the closet doors. There is a good chance that you’ll feel better afterwards, and be better prepared to face some of the harder tasks in your life.