The right paint color can help you move on from divorce

So you are divorced, and you are sitting in the living room looking around at the house you once shared with your ex. All the memories of your past are staring you in the face. Everything in that room echoes with memories.

Being surrounded by your past is not a good way to move forward, but you're not in a position to move. What can you do?

When that happened to me I got out the paint. I painted every surface a new color, and moved the furniture around so that I literally had a new perspective - on the room and on life. By making these simple changes inside my home it made me feel like a fresh start was possible, and gave me the courage to make bigger changes (like starting Rivalee Design).

In the last five years I've helped my clients do the same thing. One lovely lady had spent four years staring the stuff her ex left behind, until she hired me to come and help clear out the baggage.  With every box that went to goodwill I watched her physically lighten, and she began to smile more easily.  Another energetic gal had moved into a new condo of her own after divorce, but was feeling sad and blue because the space felt so impersonal and beige. We brightened her space with pumpkin colored paint and a zebra rug, and helped her create a space that felt just like the new 'her.'

Making over a room make not feel like the obvious answer to how to move on from your divorce, but it's a small, safe way to create change in a life that needs some new answers, and give you the courage to move forward in bigger ways, too.

Opening a door to a new life...

For just a minute the other day I thought about changing my company name to Open Door Design. I was thinking about how it feels to open the door after a home or room makeover... it's like stepping into a whole new life that is in perfect alignment with who you are and who you want to be.

One of the essential, core values of our company is that the home should support the people who live their.  *Support* their goals and good habits and challenge them to live the life the yearn to live.  Never *sabotage* those goals, keeping people stuck in past failures and heavy histories.

Now, the name Rivalee Design came from my grandmother's name and I have no plans to change it, but it can be fun and illuminating to play with our identities and try things on. Just like when we tried our first names with our grade-school boyfriend's last names, we may not actually make a name change but the exercise helps us imagine what could be, and how it might feel.  We clarify who we are, and that clarity helps make sure we are on track with our goals and in alignment with our purpose.

That happened for me not only when I was naming Rivalee Design, but also when I chose my last name "West" after my divorce.  I wanted a name that really felt like "me" and that would help me get a fresh start, like a fresh coat of paint on my whole life.  I chose West because to me it represented the spirit of the pioneer, taking on new adventures, going West.  By wrapping myself in the name West, I felt dressed and ready to take on a new life, and shed the old one.

A new name, a made-over bedroom, a new wardrobe that suits your new lifestyle and ambitions, these all may be just the dressing to our life, but it sets the stage for your daily routine and helps you get to your goals. If you are feeling stuck in your life the easiest way to get unstuck might be by changing the dressing on your life.  Get rid of things in your closet you no longer wear.  Give away the bed you shared with your ex.  Repaint the living room.  Plant colorful flowers in your front yard.  Tiny visual changes can be the key that opens the door to your next chapter.

Is the chair worth your marriage? Notes on compromise, design, and marriage.

I just finished a delightful book called Spousonomics.  I enjoyed it not only because it gave me a fresh way to look at the constant adventure of marriage, but put it in the unfluffy language of economics, as in simple supply and demand.  Sound dry and boring?  It's anything but!  Witty, lighthearted, smart and resourceful, I'd recommend it to newlyweds and long-term partners alike.  

What does this have to do with design?  Well, you know how in the TV show Frasier, Frasier's dad Marty Crane insisted on brining his ugly, icky worn chair into Frasier's perfectly decorated living room?  In part of the book one of the authors reveals the love she held for her own chair, and her husband's feelings about said chair: 

"Nothing did quite as much damage [to the marriage] as the La-Z-Boy.  Paula loved that chair.  She’d owned it for nearly a decade, and she’d dragged it with her every time she changed apartments.  She’d cuddled in it with her bipolar cat before she had to give him up for adoption for being too bipolar.  She’d sat in it listening to depressing Joni Mitchell songs after a long, drawn-out breakup.  That chair wasn’t just a chair; it was a trusted friend.  Upholstered in a soft, worn-in, mud brown velour, it had great lumbar support and a footrest.  It was the most comfortable seat in the house.  How could anyone think otherwise?

Apparently, Nevi could.  When he looked at the chair, he didn’t see good ergonomics or the warm patina of lost youth.  He saw an ugly, frayed, cat-piss-stained brown lump in the middle of his living room.  He said that Paula was overly sentimental about her possessions and that her love for the chair was “unhealthy.”  He said that every time he looked at it, he cringed.  He said in made him unhappy.  

Which Paula thought was insane.  How could merely looking at a chair make a person unhappy?  Wasn’t Nevi being a little melodramatic?"

The author goes on to write:

"In Paula’s case, it wasn’t just that she loved the chair - it was that she couldn’t stand the pain of losing the chair.  Losing it meant losing everything the chair had come to symbolize: her independent single days, her freedom to buy what she wanted and decorate how she wanted, and her ability to sit around doing nothing all day without having to consider the needs of someone else."

And then she asks "was the chair worth another year of fighting with Nevi?"

When I work with my clients I have to help them see their stuff for what it really is, just stuff.  Sometimes this story will end with Nevi coming to terms with how important the chair is to Paula, and letting it be.  Sometimes it will end with Paula understanding that it's just a chair, and letting it go does not mean she has given up her independence or youthful spirit.  And sometimes, in giving up the chair, Paula will realize that while yes, her youth may be in the past, her present is really wonderful and not something to disregard as less worthy than her spirited youth.  

Just like Paula and Nevi, or Frasier and his dad, you might have something in your life of your own or your partner's that is causing friction.  Take a moment to think about the real value of the item, and of the person.  If you can get a little perspective, it might bring a little peace back into the home.

Want prosperity? Then dress (your home) for success!

You've heard that you should "dress for the job you want", but did you know you should also dress your home for the life that you want?

• Want to be a healthy, energetic person? Is your kitchen a room that invites cooking healthy meals or is it set up for grab-and-go eating?
• Want to be a successful business person? Is your office the room of a successful entrepreneur or the cave of a messy middleman?
• Want to be a generous, giving person? Is your home neat and clutter-free, or are you hoarding lots of stuff that someone else could really use and would love to have?

This is a great time to determine where you are in your life and where you want to be. Take a moment to reflect on this past year and decide what kind of life you want and what kind of person you want to be in the coming year.  Make sure that your home supports those goals, that you have a bedroom that lets you rest comfortably, a kitchen that makes it easy to cook healthily, a living room that encourages conversation, and an office that supports your career goals.  Let go of the past and leap into your future, and remember:

"You can't write the next part of your story if you keep rereading the last chapter in your life!"

Lose Weight and Get Fit: Top 10 New Years Resolutions

Image: How To Get Fit Guide

The second in our ten-part series on the top ten New Years resolutions and how your house can help (or hurt!) your success.

"Lose Weight and Get Fit"

A top priority for most people, and unfortunately one of the first to be broken.

Will-power is only as strong as the environment you create.  That's one of the reasons the folks on the Biggest Loser have such amazing success - not only are they motivated, they have entered an environment that will support their goals 100%.  Learn from that, and create your own environment of success.  

Here are just three of the many ways your home can change so that it is your ally, not your enemy, in reaching your health goals:

1. Cut the clutter.  If you spend each morning digging through a stuffed closet to find something to wear, hunting for your keys and purse and trying to locate the kids' permission slip, how can you cook a healthy breakfast or make time for the gym?  If you're serious about getting fit, you have to help your house lose some weight, too.

2. Cull the closet.  Another important place trim the fat.  One of the most important things I learned when I decided to lose 35 pounds was that I had to feel good in my clothes now.  I had to be able to put an outfit together that made me feel comfortable, professional and put together so that I felt successful enough to walk away from that Snickers bar.  Your closet should be free of clothes that are out of style, are too large or too small, or don't make you look and feel great.  The clothes you have should have room to breathe and come out of the closet ready to wear.  Not only will you feel better, but you will also have more time in the mornings for those other healthy choices, like preparing a healthy lunch.

3. Get out of the kitchen.  This is especially key for those who work at home or stay home to care for the kids.  If you tend to read, study, or work in the kitchen or at the dining table, create a new place for those activities.  It's too easy to nibble when everything is right at hand.  If you must work near the kitchen, consider painting the walls in that space a minty green or sky blue, as these are the color least likely to encourage your appetite.  And get the food out of sight - leave nothing but some fruit out on the counters.

These are only a few of the ways that your home can support your goals to get healthy.  Don't waste this coming year.  If losing weight and getting fit is a priority for you, figure out what you need to do to make it happen, then do it!