The right paint color can help you move on from divorce

So you are divorced, and you are sitting in the living room looking around at the house you once shared with your ex. All the memories of your past are staring you in the face. Everything in that room echoes with memories.

Being surrounded by your past is not a good way to move forward, but you're not in a position to move. What can you do?

When that happened to me I got out the paint. I painted every surface a new color, and moved the furniture around so that I literally had a new perspective - on the room and on life. By making these simple changes inside my home it made me feel like a fresh start was possible, and gave me the courage to make bigger changes (like starting Rivalee Design).

In the last five years I've helped my clients do the same thing. One lovely lady had spent four years staring the stuff her ex left behind, until she hired me to come and help clear out the baggage.  With every box that went to goodwill I watched her physically lighten, and she began to smile more easily.  Another energetic gal had moved into a new condo of her own after divorce, but was feeling sad and blue because the space felt so impersonal and beige. We brightened her space with pumpkin colored paint and a zebra rug, and helped her create a space that felt just like the new 'her.'

Making over a room make not feel like the obvious answer to how to move on from your divorce, but it's a small, safe way to create change in a life that needs some new answers, and give you the courage to move forward in bigger ways, too.

Opening a door to a new life...

For just a minute the other day I thought about changing my company name to Open Door Design. I was thinking about how it feels to open the door after a home or room makeover... it's like stepping into a whole new life that is in perfect alignment with who you are and who you want to be.

One of the essential, core values of our company is that the home should support the people who live their.  *Support* their goals and good habits and challenge them to live the life the yearn to live.  Never *sabotage* those goals, keeping people stuck in past failures and heavy histories.

Now, the name Rivalee Design came from my grandmother's name and I have no plans to change it, but it can be fun and illuminating to play with our identities and try things on. Just like when we tried our first names with our grade-school boyfriend's last names, we may not actually make a name change but the exercise helps us imagine what could be, and how it might feel.  We clarify who we are, and that clarity helps make sure we are on track with our goals and in alignment with our purpose.

That happened for me not only when I was naming Rivalee Design, but also when I chose my last name "West" after my divorce.  I wanted a name that really felt like "me" and that would help me get a fresh start, like a fresh coat of paint on my whole life.  I chose West because to me it represented the spirit of the pioneer, taking on new adventures, going West.  By wrapping myself in the name West, I felt dressed and ready to take on a new life, and shed the old one.

A new name, a made-over bedroom, a new wardrobe that suits your new lifestyle and ambitions, these all may be just the dressing to our life, but it sets the stage for your daily routine and helps you get to your goals. If you are feeling stuck in your life the easiest way to get unstuck might be by changing the dressing on your life.  Get rid of things in your closet you no longer wear.  Give away the bed you shared with your ex.  Repaint the living room.  Plant colorful flowers in your front yard.  Tiny visual changes can be the key that opens the door to your next chapter.

Recovering from divorce through design

Credit: scottsnyde

© scottsnyde - SXC

So, you’re newly single. When you look around your home, do you see your future, or only ghosts and broken dreams? As painful as divorce is, it is also the beginning of the rest of your life, and if you can embrace this idea you will find a whole new world of possibility waiting for you.

I've been there. I have faced the pain and embarrassment of knowing that I failed at marriage, and the terror of knowing that every plan I’d made is void and I need a new plan. I have also faced living in a home that reminded me of that lost life everywhere I looked.

So what did I do? I repainted every wall, craigslisted some of the furniture, and created a home that said ME instead of US. And once I was done, I felt like I could start my life again because everywhere I looked I saw a beginning instead of an end.

So, when you are ready to leave the pain and past behind, why not start with a fresh coat of paint? There is nothing so therapeutic as physical activity, and I can almost guarantee that this will help you restart your life emotionally, mentally, and even physically.

If you have kids you will have to be sensitive to their needs, too, of course. You can ask them if they want to redesign their room. Some kids will really need the stability of everything staying the same, and you will need to take things slowly, and just do one room, perhaps your bedroom and master bath, at first. Other kids will leap at the idea and enjoy this new project with you. Either way, it’s smart to create a box of mementos of their other parent, even early love letters and photos, for your kids to have for later as they ask questions about your marriage and what happened. Some of my most treasured items from my own childhood are the cards signed ‘mom and dad’ from the years before my parents’ divorce when I was seven. 

 
Still, your children learn from everything you do, and if they see you embracing a new future (instead of bashing the past) they can learn optimism and courage, and from you will understand how to make the best of even the hardest situations.