Is A Messy Desk The Sign Of A Messy Mind?

Is a clean desk really a sign of a tidy mind? I find that when I am interviewed by journalists this question invariably comes up, and I also find that the interviewer usually has bias. Messy people ask with the hope that they don’t have to go home and tidy up, and tidy people ask it with an air of knowingness just certain that I’ll back up their assertion that cleanliness is next to godliness.

Interestingly, in a 2013 study Kathleen Vohs, PhD, of the University of Minnesota Carlson School of Management, found that working in a tidy room does encourage people to do socially responsible, normatively "good" things like eat healthfully and give to charity. But she also found that working in a messy room seemed to help people be willing to try new things and come up with creative ideas. After reading that study, author Randa Goode wrote “If [messiness is linked to creativeness], when it comes to my desk and writing, then I may be the most creative person in the world. Heck, maybe in the universe.”

In the end, I don’t think there is one right answer. My own habit is that during a project, whether designing a living room, writing a book, or getting ready for a party, I create chaos and stacks and piles galore. I start off with a pristine work area, devolve into utter chaos complete with two-day old dishes, and then as I wrap-up the project return to a perfectly tidy state. That is my way.

I do find, however, that disorder can turn into a burden if left unchecked. Do you *really* know what is in those piles? Can you *really* find what you need to find when you need to do so? It’s all a matter of honest evaluation, and sometimes we have to shake things up and try something new to see if our habits are really serving us. In her book The Power Of Place, Winifred Gallagher writes that “One reason we work so hard to keep our surroundings predictable is that we rely on them to help us segue smoothly from role to role throughout the day.” If that messy desk is part of focussing your mind and getting you into the role of entrepreneur, who am I to ask you to change it? But if that messy desk is actually a source of confusion, frustration, embarrassment, or procrastination, then of course you need to change it.

As with all things in our home and environment, the things surrounding us only have one role, and therefore one rule - to support and nurture us as we reach for our dreams. As long as you keep your desk in a state that is in accordance with that support, then embrace it, messy or pristine!

The right paint color can help you move on from divorce

So you are divorced, and you are sitting in the living room looking around at the house you once shared with your ex. All the memories of your past are staring you in the face. Everything in that room echoes with memories.

Being surrounded by your past is not a good way to move forward, but you're not in a position to move. What can you do?

When that happened to me I got out the paint. I painted every surface a new color, and moved the furniture around so that I literally had a new perspective - on the room and on life. By making these simple changes inside my home it made me feel like a fresh start was possible, and gave me the courage to make bigger changes (like starting Rivalee Design).

In the last five years I've helped my clients do the same thing. One lovely lady had spent four years staring the stuff her ex left behind, until she hired me to come and help clear out the baggage.  With every box that went to goodwill I watched her physically lighten, and she began to smile more easily.  Another energetic gal had moved into a new condo of her own after divorce, but was feeling sad and blue because the space felt so impersonal and beige. We brightened her space with pumpkin colored paint and a zebra rug, and helped her create a space that felt just like the new 'her.'

Making over a room make not feel like the obvious answer to how to move on from your divorce, but it's a small, safe way to create change in a life that needs some new answers, and give you the courage to move forward in bigger ways, too.

Opening a door to a new life...

For just a minute the other day I thought about changing my company name to Open Door Design. I was thinking about how it feels to open the door after a home or room makeover... it's like stepping into a whole new life that is in perfect alignment with who you are and who you want to be.

One of the essential, core values of our company is that the home should support the people who live their.  *Support* their goals and good habits and challenge them to live the life the yearn to live.  Never *sabotage* those goals, keeping people stuck in past failures and heavy histories.

Now, the name Rivalee Design came from my grandmother's name and I have no plans to change it, but it can be fun and illuminating to play with our identities and try things on. Just like when we tried our first names with our grade-school boyfriend's last names, we may not actually make a name change but the exercise helps us imagine what could be, and how it might feel.  We clarify who we are, and that clarity helps make sure we are on track with our goals and in alignment with our purpose.

That happened for me not only when I was naming Rivalee Design, but also when I chose my last name "West" after my divorce.  I wanted a name that really felt like "me" and that would help me get a fresh start, like a fresh coat of paint on my whole life.  I chose West because to me it represented the spirit of the pioneer, taking on new adventures, going West.  By wrapping myself in the name West, I felt dressed and ready to take on a new life, and shed the old one.

A new name, a made-over bedroom, a new wardrobe that suits your new lifestyle and ambitions, these all may be just the dressing to our life, but it sets the stage for your daily routine and helps you get to your goals. If you are feeling stuck in your life the easiest way to get unstuck might be by changing the dressing on your life.  Get rid of things in your closet you no longer wear.  Give away the bed you shared with your ex.  Repaint the living room.  Plant colorful flowers in your front yard.  Tiny visual changes can be the key that opens the door to your next chapter.

Personal Note: "Interior Designer" or "Interior Decorator"? What's in a name?

Recently there was a post on Linked-In asking "How do you handle it when someone calls you a decorator instead of a designer, without offending them?" Some responses pointed out that some of the biggest historical names in interiors (Billy Baldwin, Sister Parish) were all "Interior Decorators" and suggested embracing the title.  In fact, Billy Baldwin abhorred the title "Interior Designer."   Others asked "who cares what they call you as long as they write the check?" Still others said they had "studied too hard and put in too many hours to be called a 'decorator'."

I am definitely in the camp of 'who cares what they call me.' Not because the client has the power of check-writing, but because my mission is to help people feel more at home in their home.  If they need decorating services and I can help with that, great! If they need help with a remodel and I can help with that, great! If they just need help letting go of Aunt Suzie's armoire and I can help with that, great!

Rebecca West, a designer for "the rest of us." 

We all came to be home interior professionals from different paths.  For some the *art* of the project and being on the cutting edge of design is paramount, and the title will go hand in hand with the position they seek to establish for themselves in the design world.  Others have been spurned too many times by an Architect who called them 'just a decorator' without any respect for what a color and materials specialist brings to the table, and the training to be a 'designer' comes with a great deal of pride in that investment.

What bothers me is that there is still this lack of respect *within* the design community for our colleagues. There are plenty of clients in the world for a stadium full of designers, decorators, redesigners, stagers, and color consultants.  Instead of getting hung up on titles and heirarchy, why not create a collaborative, supportive environment so that we can more easily bring beauty and order to this chaotic world?

Am I too plebeian in my world view?  Maybe.  With catch-phrases like "Design for the rest of us" and "Design for real people"I doubt my voice will be heard among the upper echelons of the design world.  But I stand by my opinion because, in the end, the client's needs should always be paramount.  For me, that means that no question is too small, no worry too inconsequential, if it leads to a happier life and home for the client.  The title has no bearing on that outcome.

On a Personal Note: On being a solo-preneur and charging reasonable design rates

This month I have been doing a lot of thinking about my role in Rivalee Design.  For five wonderful years the company has continued to grow, offering more services, broadening the scope of projects, and hosting classes and seminars on design. There are times when I question my own capacity to be the sole designer at Rivalee Design. I don't know what the future holds but so far I have kept to the sole designer model for a very specific reason. I am not trying to grow a big design firm. Since day one the relationship I have with my clients has been my #1 motivation in working every day. To outsource that relationship to a team of interns or junior designers would mean that I would not get to work as closely with each clients as I prefer. As I said, I don't know what the future holds, but I will hold to this ideal as long as I can.

My other guiding value is to make design as accessible as posssible, and try to keep my rates and the way I work as available to 'real people' as I can. I know that in order to do that and still meet my other personal goals, I have to find other ways to spread my message and reach the public. What will that mean? For one, it will mean writing! Two books currently in the works, one on the Empty Nest and feeling at home in a now-empty home, and one on Divorce and creating a new life and space when newly single. Next January watch for a collaborative workshop for women in their 40s 50s and 60s ready to launch their third chapter. And I am also in the talks with a production company to create a series of educational videos. It's going to be a busy year, but another exciting one.  

Oh, and did I mention I'm planning a wedding on top of all of that? Come the end of the year I might need a very, very long nap.

Is the chair worth your marriage? Notes on compromise, design, and marriage.

I just finished a delightful book called Spousonomics.  I enjoyed it not only because it gave me a fresh way to look at the constant adventure of marriage, but put it in the unfluffy language of economics, as in simple supply and demand.  Sound dry and boring?  It's anything but!  Witty, lighthearted, smart and resourceful, I'd recommend it to newlyweds and long-term partners alike.  

What does this have to do with design?  Well, you know how in the TV show Frasier, Frasier's dad Marty Crane insisted on brining his ugly, icky worn chair into Frasier's perfectly decorated living room?  In part of the book one of the authors reveals the love she held for her own chair, and her husband's feelings about said chair: 

"Nothing did quite as much damage [to the marriage] as the La-Z-Boy.  Paula loved that chair.  She’d owned it for nearly a decade, and she’d dragged it with her every time she changed apartments.  She’d cuddled in it with her bipolar cat before she had to give him up for adoption for being too bipolar.  She’d sat in it listening to depressing Joni Mitchell songs after a long, drawn-out breakup.  That chair wasn’t just a chair; it was a trusted friend.  Upholstered in a soft, worn-in, mud brown velour, it had great lumbar support and a footrest.  It was the most comfortable seat in the house.  How could anyone think otherwise?

Apparently, Nevi could.  When he looked at the chair, he didn’t see good ergonomics or the warm patina of lost youth.  He saw an ugly, frayed, cat-piss-stained brown lump in the middle of his living room.  He said that Paula was overly sentimental about her possessions and that her love for the chair was “unhealthy.”  He said that every time he looked at it, he cringed.  He said in made him unhappy.  

Which Paula thought was insane.  How could merely looking at a chair make a person unhappy?  Wasn’t Nevi being a little melodramatic?"

The author goes on to write:

"In Paula’s case, it wasn’t just that she loved the chair - it was that she couldn’t stand the pain of losing the chair.  Losing it meant losing everything the chair had come to symbolize: her independent single days, her freedom to buy what she wanted and decorate how she wanted, and her ability to sit around doing nothing all day without having to consider the needs of someone else."

And then she asks "was the chair worth another year of fighting with Nevi?"

When I work with my clients I have to help them see their stuff for what it really is, just stuff.  Sometimes this story will end with Nevi coming to terms with how important the chair is to Paula, and letting it be.  Sometimes it will end with Paula understanding that it's just a chair, and letting it go does not mean she has given up her independence or youthful spirit.  And sometimes, in giving up the chair, Paula will realize that while yes, her youth may be in the past, her present is really wonderful and not something to disregard as less worthy than her spirited youth.  

Just like Paula and Nevi, or Frasier and his dad, you might have something in your life of your own or your partner's that is causing friction.  Take a moment to think about the real value of the item, and of the person.  If you can get a little perspective, it might bring a little peace back into the home.

Spend More Time with Friends and Family: New Years Resolution

"Spend More Time With Friends and Family"

This one seems to top the list of many people's New Year's Resolution lists.  If this really is a priority for you, what's getting in the way?  If you, like many of my clients, feel embarrassed by your home, then naturally that is keeping you from inviting over your friends and family.  If the thought of a houseguest makes you anxious, something needs to change.
When I work with a client that shares this goal with me, we do three things to fix the situation.  I ask them to:

1. Imagine the life you WANT to live.  Close your eyes and describe for me what it means to spend time with friends and family.  Paint me a picture, in detail. Where are you?  How many people are there? Who are they?  What are you doing?  How long do people stay?  Who initiated it?

2. Send out invitations.  We all study harder right before a test.  Having a deadline helps motivate action, so I ask my clients to put a date on the calendar and invite the honored guests.  It might just be your spouse or your sister over for a glass of wine, or it might be a dinner party for twelve.  What matters is setting a date and letting people know - trust me, it will help you reach the goal!

3. Take action.  Now for the physical, task-oriented work.  Clear the clutter.  Arrange the furniture to suit how you want to use the room (family dinners?  movie night?  game night?  cuddled next to the fireplace?  everyone crafting in the same room?).  Sell or give away what you don't need, and bring in what you need to finish the space.  That doesn't have to cost a lot of money, but what ever you *do* spend, remember that this is an investment in the life you WANT to live.

You can do these things on your own but I highly recommend involving a friend or a professional who will help you keep your eye on the prize, help you keep objective perspective, and kick you in the butt if you need it.  It's too easy to let go and end up making the same resolution in 2013.

Don't waste this coming year.  If spending more time with friends and family is a priority for you, figure out what you need to do to make it happen, then do it!