Can Color Increase Satisfaction in the Bedroom?

Since we are embarking on our honeymoon as this is published I have travel on the brain, so I thought I’d share a little bit about what I look for when I am booking a hotel, and how it relates to how I think about bedroom design. 

My most favorite hotel that I have ever stayed in is the Opus Hotel in Vancouver, BC. It is gorgeous! The rooms, instead of being boring hotel beige, are painted colors like luscious reds, electric ocean blues, and deep, sexy charcoal grays. I walk into those rooms and automatically feel sexy - waaaay sexier - than I do in a boring beige room. Seriously, check out their rooms - yum!

What is amazing to me is that more hotels don’t choose to use vibrant color on their walls - it’s just paint, and nearly everything else in the Opus rooms are more standard hotel choices. 

What’s even more amazing to me is that so few people take the time to make their own master bedrooms sensual retreats. Even folks who spend time and money creating welcoming living rooms, inviting guest rooms, and adorable kids' rooms often neglect their own bedrooms.

That is so silly because of all the places in our home, the bedroom more that any other rooms sets the tone for our days. We wake up every day in our bedroom, finish every day there, too - it is an integral part of our daily experience of life. In that space we love our partners, wrestle with our kids, cuddle with the dog… why not make it an embracing, comforting, sensual space instead of a plain white box filled with junk mail, laundry, and unread magazines?

So join me in the spirit of romance. I’ve chosen all my hotels in Italy for our honeymoon with excitement and romance in mind, why not make sure it’s at home in our everyday spaces, too?

Here’s to a romantic season of love, no matter what the calendar says!

Is A Messy Desk The Sign Of A Messy Mind?

Is a clean desk really a sign of a tidy mind? I find that when I am interviewed by journalists this question invariably comes up, and I also find that the interviewer usually has bias. Messy people ask with the hope that they don’t have to go home and tidy up, and tidy people ask it with an air of knowingness just certain that I’ll back up their assertion that cleanliness is next to godliness.

Interestingly, in a 2013 study Kathleen Vohs, PhD, of the University of Minnesota Carlson School of Management, found that working in a tidy room does encourage people to do socially responsible, normatively "good" things like eat healthfully and give to charity. But she also found that working in a messy room seemed to help people be willing to try new things and come up with creative ideas. After reading that study, author Randa Goode wrote “If [messiness is linked to creativeness], when it comes to my desk and writing, then I may be the most creative person in the world. Heck, maybe in the universe.”

In the end, I don’t think there is one right answer. My own habit is that during a project, whether designing a living room, writing a book, or getting ready for a party, I create chaos and stacks and piles galore. I start off with a pristine work area, devolve into utter chaos complete with two-day old dishes, and then as I wrap-up the project return to a perfectly tidy state. That is my way.

I do find, however, that disorder can turn into a burden if left unchecked. Do you *really* know what is in those piles? Can you *really* find what you need to find when you need to do so? It’s all a matter of honest evaluation, and sometimes we have to shake things up and try something new to see if our habits are really serving us. In her book The Power Of Place, Winifred Gallagher writes that “One reason we work so hard to keep our surroundings predictable is that we rely on them to help us segue smoothly from role to role throughout the day.” If that messy desk is part of focussing your mind and getting you into the role of entrepreneur, who am I to ask you to change it? But if that messy desk is actually a source of confusion, frustration, embarrassment, or procrastination, then of course you need to change it.

As with all things in our home and environment, the things surrounding us only have one role, and therefore one rule - to support and nurture us as we reach for our dreams. As long as you keep your desk in a state that is in accordance with that support, then embrace it, messy or pristine!

A Romantic Home 365 Days A Year

February triggers an expectation of romance, but the focus is often on temporary romance - roses, candles, bubble baths and champagne.  While those things are lovely, why not set up a home that encourages long-term romance, the kind that can last a lifetime? What are the key ingredients in a romantic home, and how can you bring them into your space and relationship?

1. Create adult-focused areas

We all hear about kid-friendly rooms, but these days it seems the whole home is not only kid-friendly, but kid dominated. How romantic is it to cuddle when surrounded by Barney dinosaurs and stepping on stale cheerios? While it is important to have an inclusive, loving family, it is also important not only to have spaces where you can be grown ups and individuals, but also to teach the kids that there are times and places for different things, and that it is not, in fact, all about them. They will grow up to be better balanced, more empathetic adults.

2. Balance masculine and feminine energy

"Romantic" often brings to mind classically feminine associations - pink, ruffled, layered, soft, light, etc - but masculine energy is every bit as important as feminine in creating romance 365 days a year. For long-lasting romance, try to keep a balance in each room. Pair soft curves in a crystal lamp with strong lines on a deep wood end table. Pair a fluffy white duvet on the bed with a rich, clean-lined frame and headboard. Install rustic, reclaimed hardwood floors and top with an inviting white velvet armchair. A full life honors both sides of our male-female energies, and a balance, romantic home does the same. 

3. Control the lighting

Always give thought to the lighting in your home, especially in the bedroom, but also in the living room, dining room, and bathroom. Have layers of light (ceiling light for overall light, table and floor lamps for mood and task lighting) and put as many of them on dimmers as you can. Dim lighting can mask clutter, create a flattering glow, invite a desire to linger, and set a mood for slowing down and spending much-needed time together.

Bedroom Before & After:  A Romantic Makeover

Embrace Romance

Romance can be part of your life 365 days a year. That feeling of being present, being aware, lingering, can be created whether you are enjoying a cup of coffee on your own by a fire, or snuggling with a partner on a lazy morning in bed. Take time this month to eliminate things in your home that hinder romance (clutter, sheets leftover from an old relationship) and bring in what you need to feel at home (soft lighting, fresh bedding, a kid-free zone). Then lower the lights, pour a glass of wine, and love being home.

Self-Sabotage: Stop Eating in Front of the TV

If you are like millions of other Americans you snack and eat in front of the TV. If you are trying to eat more healthily and reach weight goals, you are seriously sabotaging yourself by doing it! Why is it bad, and how can you stop?

1. Why it’s bad:  TV wants you to eat!

I was watching The Voice with my husband the other night and suddenly I found myself craving Oreos.  Strange?  Well, not really considering the colorful ad that came across the screen encouraging me to indulge in Oreo-deliciousness.  Luckily, there were no Oreos in the house. 

That is how TV sabotages you: delicious-looking food items come across your screen so one moment your belly is blissfully content, the next, you’re craving salty-sweet foods.  One study shows that 1 out of every 5 ads is for food, and 70% of those food ads were for items high in sugar or fat. More than a quarter of the food ads were for fast-food restaurants.

So, simply by sitting in front of the TV you are subconsciously encouraged to go sneak a peek in the pantry.

TV wants you to eat MORE!

When we eat while we watch TV we are not thinking about what we are eating.  A compilation of 24 British studies showed that mindless eating on average leads to an extra 10% calories consumed at the time, and an extra 25% more calories at a future meal. Need I say more?

2. How to stop:  Create a space for mindful eating

CLEAR CLUTTER: If your dining table is covered in junk mail, office work, and take-out boxes, it’s time to clear it all out.  Create a space that makes it *easy* to eat at the table and, just as importantly, makes you *want* to eat at the table. 

CREATE BEAUTY: Your dining area should be inviting and beautiful, fun and friendly. Think of the mood at your favorite restaurant, and then bring that into your dining area. Paint can transform a room, and colors like pumpkin orange, apple red, and corn yellow all set a delicious food friendly mood.

ESTABLISH A RULE: Once you have created an easy-to-use, pleasant space to eat, make a rule that all eating must happen while sitting at the table, for one month. Any cheats extend the timeline for a week.

CREATE A REWARD: Once the month is up and a new habit is formed, set a reward movie on the calendar - maybe every other Friday is popcorn-in-front-of-the-tv night.  Make it a special occasion, not the regular rule.

If you create a place in your home that is not in front of the TV, a place where you enjoy eating, you’ll likely eat less junk food, eat fewer calories, eat higher quality food, and reconnect with yourself and your family in a meaningful way. So, stop eating in front of the TV, and think about repainting the living room.

Is the chair worth your marriage? Notes on compromise, design, and marriage.

I just finished a delightful book called Spousonomics.  I enjoyed it not only because it gave me a fresh way to look at the constant adventure of marriage, but put it in the unfluffy language of economics, as in simple supply and demand.  Sound dry and boring?  It's anything but!  Witty, lighthearted, smart and resourceful, I'd recommend it to newlyweds and long-term partners alike.  

What does this have to do with design?  Well, you know how in the TV show Frasier, Frasier's dad Marty Crane insisted on brining his ugly, icky worn chair into Frasier's perfectly decorated living room?  In part of the book one of the authors reveals the love she held for her own chair, and her husband's feelings about said chair: 

"Nothing did quite as much damage [to the marriage] as the La-Z-Boy.  Paula loved that chair.  She’d owned it for nearly a decade, and she’d dragged it with her every time she changed apartments.  She’d cuddled in it with her bipolar cat before she had to give him up for adoption for being too bipolar.  She’d sat in it listening to depressing Joni Mitchell songs after a long, drawn-out breakup.  That chair wasn’t just a chair; it was a trusted friend.  Upholstered in a soft, worn-in, mud brown velour, it had great lumbar support and a footrest.  It was the most comfortable seat in the house.  How could anyone think otherwise?

Apparently, Nevi could.  When he looked at the chair, he didn’t see good ergonomics or the warm patina of lost youth.  He saw an ugly, frayed, cat-piss-stained brown lump in the middle of his living room.  He said that Paula was overly sentimental about her possessions and that her love for the chair was “unhealthy.”  He said that every time he looked at it, he cringed.  He said in made him unhappy.  

Which Paula thought was insane.  How could merely looking at a chair make a person unhappy?  Wasn’t Nevi being a little melodramatic?"

The author goes on to write:

"In Paula’s case, it wasn’t just that she loved the chair - it was that she couldn’t stand the pain of losing the chair.  Losing it meant losing everything the chair had come to symbolize: her independent single days, her freedom to buy what she wanted and decorate how she wanted, and her ability to sit around doing nothing all day without having to consider the needs of someone else."

And then she asks "was the chair worth another year of fighting with Nevi?"

When I work with my clients I have to help them see their stuff for what it really is, just stuff.  Sometimes this story will end with Nevi coming to terms with how important the chair is to Paula, and letting it be.  Sometimes it will end with Paula understanding that it's just a chair, and letting it go does not mean she has given up her independence or youthful spirit.  And sometimes, in giving up the chair, Paula will realize that while yes, her youth may be in the past, her present is really wonderful and not something to disregard as less worthy than her spirited youth.  

Just like Paula and Nevi, or Frasier and his dad, you might have something in your life of your own or your partner's that is causing friction.  Take a moment to think about the real value of the item, and of the person.  If you can get a little perspective, it might bring a little peace back into the home.

Want prosperity? Then dress (your home) for success!

You've heard that you should "dress for the job you want", but did you know you should also dress your home for the life that you want?

• Want to be a healthy, energetic person? Is your kitchen a room that invites cooking healthy meals or is it set up for grab-and-go eating?
• Want to be a successful business person? Is your office the room of a successful entrepreneur or the cave of a messy middleman?
• Want to be a generous, giving person? Is your home neat and clutter-free, or are you hoarding lots of stuff that someone else could really use and would love to have?

This is a great time to determine where you are in your life and where you want to be. Take a moment to reflect on this past year and decide what kind of life you want and what kind of person you want to be in the coming year.  Make sure that your home supports those goals, that you have a bedroom that lets you rest comfortably, a kitchen that makes it easy to cook healthily, a living room that encourages conversation, and an office that supports your career goals.  Let go of the past and leap into your future, and remember:

"You can't write the next part of your story if you keep rereading the last chapter in your life!"

A different kind of holiday wishlist

We're coming up on a time of year that tends to be about buying a lot of 'stuff' cleverly camouflaged as gifts.  Have you noticed that many of the gifts we exchange at Christmas just add to the piles of unnecessary things in our houses?  This year, why not take a different approach to the Christmas wishlist?  This idea is more economical because it calls on your skills instead of your wallet, it's better for our home because it doesn't bring in more 'stuff', and can potentially create more lasting memories as you work with your friends and family to accomplish something.
Take a tour of your home and make a list of all the things you've been putting of or meaning to do - glue the leg on your dining room chair, replace those burnt out light bulbs, repaint the front door, swap out the kitchen faucet, take that load in the garage to goodwill.  Then email the wishlist to your partner, friends and family and ask them for help with these things as your Christmas gift this year instead of 'stuff'.  In turn, ask them to email their own wishlist - you might be surprised what they could use a hand with that you might find easy to do!  How great would it be to start the new year with all those little things accomplished, and know that you helped out your friends, too!
Normally I clean my car, gutters and windows myself.  It's one of those things I can do so I am too cheap to hire someone else to do it for me.  But I HATE doing it - it's cold, wet, and messy.  So last year, for Christmas, my family hired someone else to do this for me.  My dad got my a gift certificate to detail the interior of my car (he's in Kentucky or he'd have done it himself), a friend's handyman-husband cleared the gutters, and Paneless Window Cleaning came and did the windows.  Not only was it such a luxury, but they all did the job so much better than I ever had.  These were gifts I really treasured and would not ever have purchased for myself.
Happy gifting!

Wish you were $6000 richer? The truth about Self-Storage and clutter.

http://www.stonecreekstorage.com/

"America has a problem with overaccumulation" says Peter Walsh in his book It's All Too Much. "It's abundantly clear if you spend one minute noticing how many self-storage facilities have sprung up in your neighborhood."

While there are times that renting a storage unit can make sense, if you are one of the many people with stuff in storage, maybe it's time to reevaluate this choice.  Let's say you rented a storage unit 5 years ago because you moved and the new house had less room. You didn't think you'd stay in the smaller place that long, but here you are, 5 years later.  Let's say the unit runs you $100 a month.  You've spent $6000 storing all that stuff!  Have you gone back to access any of it?  Are you really sure what is even in that unit?  It's time to accept that whatever 'temporary' reason you had for renting the unit isn't actually temporary, and starting living your actual life.

Is there anything that you could use $6000 for right now?

Don't waste time regretting that lost income, but also don't waste another dollar storing all that stuff.  Put a deadline on the calendar for when you will cancel the agreement, and get to work!

Three common problems and a hint to help:

1. It's my daughter's or son's stuff.  What are you teaching your kids?  To value the things that they own.  If these items are important they should come and get them.  If they aren't important, they should go to Goodwill so someone else can use them.

2. It's family heirlooms. If it is stuffed in a box, covered in dust or mildew, and hasn't seen daylight in 5 years, it's NOT precious.  Stop pretending you care about it if you can't honor it enough to have it out and appreciated.  Give your extended family a chance to have the heirloom items, but if they don't care enough to take them either, it is not your responsibility to be the family storage facility.

3. It's overwhelming.  Set a timer, only work on the project 2 hours at a time.  With each item simply ask "Can someone else use or enjoy this more than I am?"  "Does this item add value to the life I want to live"  "Is storing this item worth $1200 a year?"  Don't hesitate to call a friend or a professional to help, they (we) can make it much less overwhelming and even fun!

You CAN do this, and you will feel freer and richer as a result.  Good luck, and happy un-storing!

Teaching kids gratitude while clearing clutter from your home

Want to clear the clutter from your home, teach your kids great habits, and encourage gratitude in your home? Start this new holiday tradition.

Set a day on the calendar for "making room" and be sure that each person or child you want involved will have time free that day. This can be a good activity the day after Thanksgiving as a way to reflect on the meaning of gratitude, or chose a day closer to Christmas as the kids are getting more and more excited about the new toys they want.

• On the given day, start off by reading "Too Many Toys" by David Shannon. It's a great way to help kids relate to and understand the idea without any lecturing.
• Set a timer. Adjust the time based on how much you want to declutter. Older kids and adults can probably handle an hour or two, but with younger kids, limit the time to thirty minutes. 
• Set the example by choosing some number of things from your own closet, craftroom, or storage area to give away.
• Have the kids choose the things they are ready to give away (you can determine how many items that should be).
• Then let the kids celebrate by making up their Christmas wish list.

This should be a time for appreciating gifts from the past, and for learning that generosity returns only to those who are generous. By making this an annual ritual you will not only keep the clutter down in your home, but also help teach the kids, and reminds yourself, of the importance of generosity and gratitude.

Make room for your new life - clear out clutter!

After my divorce a good friend gave me some wonderful advice when I was trying to decide what to do with my wedding ring. She said that I needed to get it out of my home in order to make room for all the good things that were waiting for me to make space for them.

That really hit home because without realizing it, by holding on to that token of my past I was keeping myself from opening to new love.

Now I work with clients trying to make fresh starts in their own lives, and I always share that wisdom with them. Every time we start I hear the list of excuses why they CAN’T get rid of Aunt Ann’s chair, the second set of dishes, the broken mirror, the dusty records in the attic, etc... At this point, after reminding them that they are trying to move FORWARD in their lives, I gently remind them that instead of hoarding the stuff out of fear and guilt, they can let someone else use and enjoy it! Not only will the stuff have a new life, but there will be room in their home and heart for things that will bring them joy to look at and use.

If you are ready to tackle your home and lighten its load, here are five helpful tips to focus the project:

1. Contain the project. Choose one half of a closet, one quarter of a garage, or one box of papers. Make it an area that you can finish in an hour or two.
2. Get comfortable and prepared. Have a chair or pillow to sit on, have water on hand, and have boxes ready for the things you are keeping, the things you are letting go, and the things that need further consideration.
3. Set a timer for one hour. During that one hour do not answer the phone, wander to the fridge, or otherwise get distracted. When the timer dings, take the box for Goodwill to the donation station immediately. Move the Craigslist items to a corner and post them within 24 hours. Action is the key!
4. Make money.  If you are going to sell your items through Craigslist, decide how you want to use the money you make. Write down that goal or post of picture of it in the workspace you are organizing. By posting a picture nearby of what you DO want then as you hold each item you can ask yourself if it supports the life you WANT or the life you have.
5. Forget how to read.  Unless you are focussing on paperwork for the hour, NEVER read, sort or file the papers you find while decluttering. You’ll NEVER finish because either you’ll drown in nostalgia or get overwhelmed. Instead, have a small box on hand, toss the papers you find into it, and make that a separate organizing project.

Once you finish an section, celebrate. Imagine how much closer you are to having the life and home you want, and smile!

Lose Weight and Get Fit: Top 10 New Years Resolutions

Image: How To Get Fit Guide

The second in our ten-part series on the top ten New Years resolutions and how your house can help (or hurt!) your success.

"Lose Weight and Get Fit"

A top priority for most people, and unfortunately one of the first to be broken.

Will-power is only as strong as the environment you create.  That's one of the reasons the folks on the Biggest Loser have such amazing success - not only are they motivated, they have entered an environment that will support their goals 100%.  Learn from that, and create your own environment of success.  

Here are just three of the many ways your home can change so that it is your ally, not your enemy, in reaching your health goals:

1. Cut the clutter.  If you spend each morning digging through a stuffed closet to find something to wear, hunting for your keys and purse and trying to locate the kids' permission slip, how can you cook a healthy breakfast or make time for the gym?  If you're serious about getting fit, you have to help your house lose some weight, too.

2. Cull the closet.  Another important place trim the fat.  One of the most important things I learned when I decided to lose 35 pounds was that I had to feel good in my clothes now.  I had to be able to put an outfit together that made me feel comfortable, professional and put together so that I felt successful enough to walk away from that Snickers bar.  Your closet should be free of clothes that are out of style, are too large or too small, or don't make you look and feel great.  The clothes you have should have room to breathe and come out of the closet ready to wear.  Not only will you feel better, but you will also have more time in the mornings for those other healthy choices, like preparing a healthy lunch.

3. Get out of the kitchen.  This is especially key for those who work at home or stay home to care for the kids.  If you tend to read, study, or work in the kitchen or at the dining table, create a new place for those activities.  It's too easy to nibble when everything is right at hand.  If you must work near the kitchen, consider painting the walls in that space a minty green or sky blue, as these are the color least likely to encourage your appetite.  And get the food out of sight - leave nothing but some fruit out on the counters.

These are only a few of the ways that your home can support your goals to get healthy.  Don't waste this coming year.  If losing weight and getting fit is a priority for you, figure out what you need to do to make it happen, then do it!

Is your house overweight? Clear out the clutter!

Before you rush out to buy color-coded bins to organize your stuff and attack your New Year's Resolutions, ask yourself honestly - do you just have too much stuff?  

Think about it, you can't stuff 10 pounds of flour into a 5 pound bag.  You can't pour 2 cups of milk into a 1 cup bowl.  Yet we stuff as much stuff (hmmm, is there a reason it's called 'stuff'?) into our homes as we can, never taking anything out, and think that the right bins, baskets and labels will solve the problem.

It won't.

Bedroom BEFORE Rivalee Design

Bedroom AFTER Rivalee Design - no new furniture was purchased!

If your garage is overflowing, your office creeping into the dining room, and the kids' toys everywhere, you could move to a bigger house, but I suggest the cheaper, easier, and more ecological idea of getting rid of some of that stuff. Here's how:

Make time. Set a timer for two to four hours. Turn off the phone and tv, turn on some great music. Limit distraction so you get more done.
Define the goal. Keep focussed: choose one closet, one room, one bookshelf at a time. Otherwise you just end up with a bigger mess. Make a pile for things to keep, things to toss, and things that need a little more thought (maybe you have to ask another family member about it).
Question everything. As you pick up each item ask:
  -  Have we used this in the last 3 months (or, if seasonal, in the last 2 years)?
  -  Could someone else use this better or enjoy this more than I am?
  -  Does owning this make my happy, or do I not really care about having it? 

  -  Am I only keeping this out of guilt?
  -  Does this fit (my body AND my age)?
Reconsider. Go back to the "keep" pile and take out at least three more things to give away.
Take action.  Take the "get rid of" pile to Goodwill immediately. If you could immediately shed 10 lbs the moment you decided to go on a diet, wouldn't you do so? With your house, you can, so take that extra weight and get rid of it!!  Put the "to think about" pile in a box and seal it up. Mark a date on the calendar 1-2 months away. If you haven't needed anything from the box, take it to Goodwill on that date without opening it up!

Once you get rid of all the stuff you are not using you'll be amazed at how much room you have and how everything can find a home so easily. 

 Good luck, and happy organizing!