Can Color Increase Satisfaction in the Bedroom?

Since we are embarking on our honeymoon as this is published I have travel on the brain, so I thought I’d share a little bit about what I look for when I am booking a hotel, and how it relates to how I think about bedroom design. 

My most favorite hotel that I have ever stayed in is the Opus Hotel in Vancouver, BC. It is gorgeous! The rooms, instead of being boring hotel beige, are painted colors like luscious reds, electric ocean blues, and deep, sexy charcoal grays. I walk into those rooms and automatically feel sexy - waaaay sexier - than I do in a boring beige room. Seriously, check out their rooms - yum!

What is amazing to me is that more hotels don’t choose to use vibrant color on their walls - it’s just paint, and nearly everything else in the Opus rooms are more standard hotel choices. 

What’s even more amazing to me is that so few people take the time to make their own master bedrooms sensual retreats. Even folks who spend time and money creating welcoming living rooms, inviting guest rooms, and adorable kids' rooms often neglect their own bedrooms.

That is so silly because of all the places in our home, the bedroom more that any other rooms sets the tone for our days. We wake up every day in our bedroom, finish every day there, too - it is an integral part of our daily experience of life. In that space we love our partners, wrestle with our kids, cuddle with the dog… why not make it an embracing, comforting, sensual space instead of a plain white box filled with junk mail, laundry, and unread magazines?

So join me in the spirit of romance. I’ve chosen all my hotels in Italy for our honeymoon with excitement and romance in mind, why not make sure it’s at home in our everyday spaces, too?

Here’s to a romantic season of love, no matter what the calendar says!

A Romantic Home 365 Days A Year

February triggers an expectation of romance, but the focus is often on temporary romance - roses, candles, bubble baths and champagne.  While those things are lovely, why not set up a home that encourages long-term romance, the kind that can last a lifetime? What are the key ingredients in a romantic home, and how can you bring them into your space and relationship?

1. Create adult-focused areas

We all hear about kid-friendly rooms, but these days it seems the whole home is not only kid-friendly, but kid dominated. How romantic is it to cuddle when surrounded by Barney dinosaurs and stepping on stale cheerios? While it is important to have an inclusive, loving family, it is also important not only to have spaces where you can be grown ups and individuals, but also to teach the kids that there are times and places for different things, and that it is not, in fact, all about them. They will grow up to be better balanced, more empathetic adults.

2. Balance masculine and feminine energy

"Romantic" often brings to mind classically feminine associations - pink, ruffled, layered, soft, light, etc - but masculine energy is every bit as important as feminine in creating romance 365 days a year. For long-lasting romance, try to keep a balance in each room. Pair soft curves in a crystal lamp with strong lines on a deep wood end table. Pair a fluffy white duvet on the bed with a rich, clean-lined frame and headboard. Install rustic, reclaimed hardwood floors and top with an inviting white velvet armchair. A full life honors both sides of our male-female energies, and a balance, romantic home does the same. 

3. Control the lighting

Always give thought to the lighting in your home, especially in the bedroom, but also in the living room, dining room, and bathroom. Have layers of light (ceiling light for overall light, table and floor lamps for mood and task lighting) and put as many of them on dimmers as you can. Dim lighting can mask clutter, create a flattering glow, invite a desire to linger, and set a mood for slowing down and spending much-needed time together.

Bedroom Before & After:  A Romantic Makeover

Embrace Romance

Romance can be part of your life 365 days a year. That feeling of being present, being aware, lingering, can be created whether you are enjoying a cup of coffee on your own by a fire, or snuggling with a partner on a lazy morning in bed. Take time this month to eliminate things in your home that hinder romance (clutter, sheets leftover from an old relationship) and bring in what you need to feel at home (soft lighting, fresh bedding, a kid-free zone). Then lower the lights, pour a glass of wine, and love being home.

The right paint color can help you move on from divorce

So you are divorced, and you are sitting in the living room looking around at the house you once shared with your ex. All the memories of your past are staring you in the face. Everything in that room echoes with memories.

Being surrounded by your past is not a good way to move forward, but you're not in a position to move. What can you do?

When that happened to me I got out the paint. I painted every surface a new color, and moved the furniture around so that I literally had a new perspective - on the room and on life. By making these simple changes inside my home it made me feel like a fresh start was possible, and gave me the courage to make bigger changes (like starting Rivalee Design).

In the last five years I've helped my clients do the same thing. One lovely lady had spent four years staring the stuff her ex left behind, until she hired me to come and help clear out the baggage.  With every box that went to goodwill I watched her physically lighten, and she began to smile more easily.  Another energetic gal had moved into a new condo of her own after divorce, but was feeling sad and blue because the space felt so impersonal and beige. We brightened her space with pumpkin colored paint and a zebra rug, and helped her create a space that felt just like the new 'her.'

Making over a room make not feel like the obvious answer to how to move on from your divorce, but it's a small, safe way to create change in a life that needs some new answers, and give you the courage to move forward in bigger ways, too.

Is the chair worth your marriage? Notes on compromise, design, and marriage.

I just finished a delightful book called Spousonomics.  I enjoyed it not only because it gave me a fresh way to look at the constant adventure of marriage, but put it in the unfluffy language of economics, as in simple supply and demand.  Sound dry and boring?  It's anything but!  Witty, lighthearted, smart and resourceful, I'd recommend it to newlyweds and long-term partners alike.  

What does this have to do with design?  Well, you know how in the TV show Frasier, Frasier's dad Marty Crane insisted on brining his ugly, icky worn chair into Frasier's perfectly decorated living room?  In part of the book one of the authors reveals the love she held for her own chair, and her husband's feelings about said chair: 

"Nothing did quite as much damage [to the marriage] as the La-Z-Boy.  Paula loved that chair.  She’d owned it for nearly a decade, and she’d dragged it with her every time she changed apartments.  She’d cuddled in it with her bipolar cat before she had to give him up for adoption for being too bipolar.  She’d sat in it listening to depressing Joni Mitchell songs after a long, drawn-out breakup.  That chair wasn’t just a chair; it was a trusted friend.  Upholstered in a soft, worn-in, mud brown velour, it had great lumbar support and a footrest.  It was the most comfortable seat in the house.  How could anyone think otherwise?

Apparently, Nevi could.  When he looked at the chair, he didn’t see good ergonomics or the warm patina of lost youth.  He saw an ugly, frayed, cat-piss-stained brown lump in the middle of his living room.  He said that Paula was overly sentimental about her possessions and that her love for the chair was “unhealthy.”  He said that every time he looked at it, he cringed.  He said in made him unhappy.  

Which Paula thought was insane.  How could merely looking at a chair make a person unhappy?  Wasn’t Nevi being a little melodramatic?"

The author goes on to write:

"In Paula’s case, it wasn’t just that she loved the chair - it was that she couldn’t stand the pain of losing the chair.  Losing it meant losing everything the chair had come to symbolize: her independent single days, her freedom to buy what she wanted and decorate how she wanted, and her ability to sit around doing nothing all day without having to consider the needs of someone else."

And then she asks "was the chair worth another year of fighting with Nevi?"

When I work with my clients I have to help them see their stuff for what it really is, just stuff.  Sometimes this story will end with Nevi coming to terms with how important the chair is to Paula, and letting it be.  Sometimes it will end with Paula understanding that it's just a chair, and letting it go does not mean she has given up her independence or youthful spirit.  And sometimes, in giving up the chair, Paula will realize that while yes, her youth may be in the past, her present is really wonderful and not something to disregard as less worthy than her spirited youth.  

Just like Paula and Nevi, or Frasier and his dad, you might have something in your life of your own or your partner's that is causing friction.  Take a moment to think about the real value of the item, and of the person.  If you can get a little perspective, it might bring a little peace back into the home.

Keeping a marriage happy throughout a remodel

One of my clients shared this cartoon with me and, after a good giggle, it made me think about how often a kind of “marriage counseling” comes into my work. As both a ballroom dance instructor and an interior designer I have learned a number of things that can make or break a project for a couple, and I’d like to share some of that insight with you. If you’ve never undertaken a remodel together before, you’re in for a pretty big adventure, and you want to go in with the right attitude and, ideally, the support of a designer that *both* of you like and trust and who can make sure that the final design is one you both like.

Comic by Besty Streeter

Here are key ingredients to achieving the goals for your home and, when you’re done, still have a happy relationship:

1) Identify your dream(s).
First, understand that you both have some idea of what this project will end up looking like, but that you might have very different ideas of that end product. We have to figure out how you want to feel in your home when it’s done, how do you want to live. The key here is to LISTEN to each other, and don’t judge! At this stage every idea is valid.

2) Destroy preconceived notions.
Both partners are going to have some concept of how much it will (or should) cost and how long it will take. Again, LISTEN to each other and *never* laugh at your spouse. If you ridicule your partner they’ll just clam up and be that much less open to your desires when it’s your turn to be heard. It’s normal for someone not to know how much a sofa or flooring or any of the other ingredients will cost - how often does the price of a kitchen faucet come up in your spouse’s work?

3) Draw a map.
This is where the designer starts pulling together ideas and options and will ask for decisions. It often helps to assign “homework” and divide up the decisions - let the husband choose the counters, the wife choose the flooring... and trust the designer to guide the decisions so they all work together. Agree to honor the work and decisions of the other person.


4) Demo and remodel.
You are going to face dust and dirt, perhaps weeks without a kitchen or bath, delays, etc. Last minute decisions will have to be made, and changes approved when things don’t go as planned. Stay on the same team. Budget for a night in a hotel or a nice meal out once in a while as part of the project. Be a cheerleader for your spouse and know that even thought they might stress about different things (she’s worried about the money, he wants the lighting to be just so) their worries are just as valid as your own.

5) Celebrate!
As you achieve goals, break out the champagne. Not just the big goal (the kitchen is done and we are having a housewarming party) but the small goals, too (the cabinets came in!)

6) Throughout, remember what’s important; your marriage and your family.
There are NO design emergencies, and the cabinet color and finish is NOT more important than your spouse. If you see your spouse digging in like a mule, chances are that they feel they aren’t being heard, or felt steamrolled on the last 10 decisions. If you’ve been getting your own way for a while, it might be time to get them really involved again. Or, if *you* start acting like a stubborn mule on a design decision, take a deep breath, set it aside, talk about it with your designer. Go out and get a little perspective. Sometimes you just need a walk, sometimes you need to go volunteer at a soup kitchen, but do something that reminds you that beautiful design and new kitchens and baths are a luxury and a gift, not a right or emergency.

Then go kiss your husband or wife.

You’ll learn a lot about yourself and your partner by taking on a remodel together, and it can be surprisingly easy and even fun if you have a though-out budget with a little extra set aside, and keep some light-hearted perspective