The right paint color can help you move on from divorce

So you are divorced, and you are sitting in the living room looking around at the house you once shared with your ex. All the memories of your past are staring you in the face. Everything in that room echoes with memories.

Being surrounded by your past is not a good way to move forward, but you're not in a position to move. What can you do?

When that happened to me I got out the paint. I painted every surface a new color, and moved the furniture around so that I literally had a new perspective - on the room and on life. By making these simple changes inside my home it made me feel like a fresh start was possible, and gave me the courage to make bigger changes (like starting Rivalee Design).

In the last five years I've helped my clients do the same thing. One lovely lady had spent four years staring the stuff her ex left behind, until she hired me to come and help clear out the baggage.  With every box that went to goodwill I watched her physically lighten, and she began to smile more easily.  Another energetic gal had moved into a new condo of her own after divorce, but was feeling sad and blue because the space felt so impersonal and beige. We brightened her space with pumpkin colored paint and a zebra rug, and helped her create a space that felt just like the new 'her.'

Making over a room make not feel like the obvious answer to how to move on from your divorce, but it's a small, safe way to create change in a life that needs some new answers, and give you the courage to move forward in bigger ways, too.

Opening a door to a new life...

For just a minute the other day I thought about changing my company name to Open Door Design. I was thinking about how it feels to open the door after a home or room makeover... it's like stepping into a whole new life that is in perfect alignment with who you are and who you want to be.

One of the essential, core values of our company is that the home should support the people who live their.  *Support* their goals and good habits and challenge them to live the life the yearn to live.  Never *sabotage* those goals, keeping people stuck in past failures and heavy histories.

Now, the name Rivalee Design came from my grandmother's name and I have no plans to change it, but it can be fun and illuminating to play with our identities and try things on. Just like when we tried our first names with our grade-school boyfriend's last names, we may not actually make a name change but the exercise helps us imagine what could be, and how it might feel.  We clarify who we are, and that clarity helps make sure we are on track with our goals and in alignment with our purpose.

That happened for me not only when I was naming Rivalee Design, but also when I chose my last name "West" after my divorce.  I wanted a name that really felt like "me" and that would help me get a fresh start, like a fresh coat of paint on my whole life.  I chose West because to me it represented the spirit of the pioneer, taking on new adventures, going West.  By wrapping myself in the name West, I felt dressed and ready to take on a new life, and shed the old one.

A new name, a made-over bedroom, a new wardrobe that suits your new lifestyle and ambitions, these all may be just the dressing to our life, but it sets the stage for your daily routine and helps you get to your goals. If you are feeling stuck in your life the easiest way to get unstuck might be by changing the dressing on your life.  Get rid of things in your closet you no longer wear.  Give away the bed you shared with your ex.  Repaint the living room.  Plant colorful flowers in your front yard.  Tiny visual changes can be the key that opens the door to your next chapter.

Sex Sells, even in interior design

You will be forgiven if you're not quite sure what they're selling in this ad.  And yet you can't quite look away, right?  In case you are wondering, it is a light fixture, the one he's holding front of his, um, nether-regions.

Even in interior design, sex sells.  It wouldn't be needed if the things we bought for our homes were strictly necessary, but rarely are the things we purchase a true "need."  Really, we buy lifestyles, dreams, and wishes.  That is one of the reasons so many projects go over budget.  It's not that we needed to spend an extra $5,000 (or $50,000) in order to get a functional kitchen, but that fireclay farmhouse sink was just "so perfect" and just sets the scene for our own white-picket-fence-perfect family gatherings.  Much like a wedding, a remodel becomes more about our fantasies than our realities, and many retailers (and designers) are ready to encourage that.

How can you avoid getting caught up in budget-blowing fantasies? One trick is to enjoy your next edition of Elle Decor a little differently.  Really pay attention to the ads, look at what they are selling. By becoming aware of the subconscious (though not really that subtle) messages of the life you could have if only you bought these sheets, that light, this sofa, it will make you a more educated buyer and ready to make decisions that are right for you, and for your budget. 

Mood changing colors: Benjamin Moore's Soleil

The sun has come out this week in Seattle, and you can feel it in the brightness of people smiles.  It brings out the sundresses, the convertibles, and the iced lattes, and everyone is just a little friendlier than usual.  Just like the sun is able to brighten a person's mood, color can, too.  One of the most obvious happy-colors is, of course, yellow.

Yellow is the color of optimism, brightness, cheery attitude and mental clarity.  It can promote creative, clear, upbeat thinking and decision making, ease depression, and encourage laughter.  It's not for everyone, of course, and the wrong yellow, or yellow for the wrong person, can increase irritability and hyperactivity.  But as with any color, used well, it's lovely.

Benjamin Moore's Soleil lifts the mood atop of grey Sparrow and creates sunny harmony in this dining room.

One of my favorite yellows is Benjamin Moore's Soleil.  When a client tells me they want a yellow room, it is one of the first places I look and so often, it is perfect. I have used it to create a warm and happy dining room, a sophisticated and joyful bedroom, and an inviting and warm home office.

Now, don't get me wrong, it's quite yellow.  When you put it on all four walls you are not going to wonder if you ended up with a yellow.  But unlike the many (too many) yellow paint colors out there, this one won't scream CAUTION at you.  It won't get bitter or sharp.  It won't get babyish.  It's just... right.  Give it a try, or write to me for a couple of my other favorites.

Have fun, and don't fear color.  It's just paint!

Personal Note: "Interior Designer" or "Interior Decorator"? What's in a name?

Recently there was a post on Linked-In asking "How do you handle it when someone calls you a decorator instead of a designer, without offending them?" Some responses pointed out that some of the biggest historical names in interiors (Billy Baldwin, Sister Parish) were all "Interior Decorators" and suggested embracing the title.  In fact, Billy Baldwin abhorred the title "Interior Designer."   Others asked "who cares what they call you as long as they write the check?" Still others said they had "studied too hard and put in too many hours to be called a 'decorator'."

I am definitely in the camp of 'who cares what they call me.' Not because the client has the power of check-writing, but because my mission is to help people feel more at home in their home.  If they need decorating services and I can help with that, great! If they need help with a remodel and I can help with that, great! If they just need help letting go of Aunt Suzie's armoire and I can help with that, great!

Rebecca West, a designer for "the rest of us." 

We all came to be home interior professionals from different paths.  For some the *art* of the project and being on the cutting edge of design is paramount, and the title will go hand in hand with the position they seek to establish for themselves in the design world.  Others have been spurned too many times by an Architect who called them 'just a decorator' without any respect for what a color and materials specialist brings to the table, and the training to be a 'designer' comes with a great deal of pride in that investment.

What bothers me is that there is still this lack of respect *within* the design community for our colleagues. There are plenty of clients in the world for a stadium full of designers, decorators, redesigners, stagers, and color consultants.  Instead of getting hung up on titles and heirarchy, why not create a collaborative, supportive environment so that we can more easily bring beauty and order to this chaotic world?

Am I too plebeian in my world view?  Maybe.  With catch-phrases like "Design for the rest of us" and "Design for real people"I doubt my voice will be heard among the upper echelons of the design world.  But I stand by my opinion because, in the end, the client's needs should always be paramount.  For me, that means that no question is too small, no worry too inconsequential, if it leads to a happier life and home for the client.  The title has no bearing on that outcome.

On a Personal Note: On being a solo-preneur and charging reasonable design rates

This month I have been doing a lot of thinking about my role in Rivalee Design.  For five wonderful years the company has continued to grow, offering more services, broadening the scope of projects, and hosting classes and seminars on design. There are times when I question my own capacity to be the sole designer at Rivalee Design. I don't know what the future holds but so far I have kept to the sole designer model for a very specific reason. I am not trying to grow a big design firm. Since day one the relationship I have with my clients has been my #1 motivation in working every day. To outsource that relationship to a team of interns or junior designers would mean that I would not get to work as closely with each clients as I prefer. As I said, I don't know what the future holds, but I will hold to this ideal as long as I can.

My other guiding value is to make design as accessible as posssible, and try to keep my rates and the way I work as available to 'real people' as I can. I know that in order to do that and still meet my other personal goals, I have to find other ways to spread my message and reach the public. What will that mean? For one, it will mean writing! Two books currently in the works, one on the Empty Nest and feeling at home in a now-empty home, and one on Divorce and creating a new life and space when newly single. Next January watch for a collaborative workshop for women in their 40s 50s and 60s ready to launch their third chapter. And I am also in the talks with a production company to create a series of educational videos. It's going to be a busy year, but another exciting one.  

Oh, and did I mention I'm planning a wedding on top of all of that? Come the end of the year I might need a very, very long nap.

Personal Note: Video on what I do at Rivalee Design

If you hear something "From the horse's mouth" it means that you hear it directly from the person concerned or responsible.  Well, here I am with a quick take on what I do at Rivalee Design.