Turn your living room into a "Conversation Room"

Real estate agents, TV advertisers, and greeting cards companies make their money selling a fantasy. They sell you a make-believe world in which friends come over to your home to linger over a cup of tea and celebrate the ups and downs of life. They convince you that this house, this brand of coffee, this holiday card is the missing ingredient, the key, that will give you a life filled with friendship and meaning.

Of course, that’s a bunch of hooey. There is no magic product that will create a meaning-filled, love-filled life. The “secret” is, in fact, that any house can be a home, any cup of coffee can give friends a reason to stay a little longer, and any card sent to a loved one shows you’re thinking of them, even a halloween card sent at Easter.

There is, however, something you can do to increase your chance for a a magical, meaningful life. It has to do to with creating a place amenable to conversation, a space in your home where distractions are limited and the focus is on the human being in front of you. I’d like to introduce...

“The Conversation Room.”

Before, the focus of the room was a giant TV.
That TV is still in the room, but now the focus is on gathering and talking.

I say you CAN have the magic they show in the coffee commercials! All you need to do is create a conversation room in your home.  How? The key is in the furniture arrangement.

Flip through a magazine and look at the images of inviting living rooms - unlike many family rooms you see today with the furniture all directed towards the TV, the seating in these rooms faces other seating, making it easy and natural to talk. It’s kind of like tree stumps in a circle around a fire pit. That’s it. That’s the key!

Five tips for creating a great, living, conversation room.

1. Make it intimate.
This is essential!  Make sure the furniture allows for easy conversation. No one should have to overturn their head to chat with a friend. Equally, no one should have to shout to be heard or struggle to hear the conversation. Of course a conversation room can be created in a great big room, but it should still be broken down into small conversation spots, small enough for two to gossip, and large enough for four friends to pass an afternoon.

2. Make it comfortable.
Forget stiff and formal living room furniture. And lose the old futon that swallows your friends. The furniture should be comfortable and inviting - and that means not only the right level of “squooshiness” but also that it should be neither so clean, nor so dirty, that people are afraid to sit. Also make sure that the temperature is comfortable; have a couple of throws in easy reach for friends who might feel chilled.

3. Make it private.
A conversation room should feel “safe” for sharing secrets. It’s not meant to be the center of attention, or right off the kids’ play area, or next to the main phone in the house. It should be free of distractions so that friends can come together and plot their next conquest and commiserate over their latest lost love.

4. Invite a little distraction.
While it is important that there be no TV in the conversation room, or if there is, that it has a very good cover that conceals it and that the furniture is *not* oriented towards it, you still want a little distraction in the room for those comfortable pauses in any conversation. Light music, a garden view or interesting painting, and a few good books on the table will do.

5. Make it stylish.
Give the room a theme or style that inspires you to sit and stay a while. Prefer a clean, open, contemporary look? Or a cozy, country feel? Maybe a fascinating global adventure? Play with it, but give it a distinct personality; it shouldn’t feel like a forgotten or catch-all room. Give it the honor that you want to give to your visiting friends.

It’s time to reclaim a LIVING living room - good luck!

Recovering from divorce through design

Credit: scottsnyde

© scottsnyde - SXC

So, you’re newly single. When you look around your home, do you see your future, or only ghosts and broken dreams? As painful as divorce is, it is also the beginning of the rest of your life, and if you can embrace this idea you will find a whole new world of possibility waiting for you.

I've been there. I have faced the pain and embarrassment of knowing that I failed at marriage, and the terror of knowing that every plan I’d made is void and I need a new plan. I have also faced living in a home that reminded me of that lost life everywhere I looked.

So what did I do? I repainted every wall, craigslisted some of the furniture, and created a home that said ME instead of US. And once I was done, I felt like I could start my life again because everywhere I looked I saw a beginning instead of an end.

So, when you are ready to leave the pain and past behind, why not start with a fresh coat of paint? There is nothing so therapeutic as physical activity, and I can almost guarantee that this will help you restart your life emotionally, mentally, and even physically.

If you have kids you will have to be sensitive to their needs, too, of course. You can ask them if they want to redesign their room. Some kids will really need the stability of everything staying the same, and you will need to take things slowly, and just do one room, perhaps your bedroom and master bath, at first. Other kids will leap at the idea and enjoy this new project with you. Either way, it’s smart to create a box of mementos of their other parent, even early love letters and photos, for your kids to have for later as they ask questions about your marriage and what happened. Some of my most treasured items from my own childhood are the cards signed ‘mom and dad’ from the years before my parents’ divorce when I was seven. 

 
Still, your children learn from everything you do, and if they see you embracing a new future (instead of bashing the past) they can learn optimism and courage, and from you will understand how to make the best of even the hardest situations.

Lose Weight and Get Fit: Top 10 New Years Resolutions

Image: How To Get Fit Guide

The second in our ten-part series on the top ten New Years resolutions and how your house can help (or hurt!) your success.

"Lose Weight and Get Fit"

A top priority for most people, and unfortunately one of the first to be broken.

Will-power is only as strong as the environment you create.  That's one of the reasons the folks on the Biggest Loser have such amazing success - not only are they motivated, they have entered an environment that will support their goals 100%.  Learn from that, and create your own environment of success.  

Here are just three of the many ways your home can change so that it is your ally, not your enemy, in reaching your health goals:

1. Cut the clutter.  If you spend each morning digging through a stuffed closet to find something to wear, hunting for your keys and purse and trying to locate the kids' permission slip, how can you cook a healthy breakfast or make time for the gym?  If you're serious about getting fit, you have to help your house lose some weight, too.

2. Cull the closet.  Another important place trim the fat.  One of the most important things I learned when I decided to lose 35 pounds was that I had to feel good in my clothes now.  I had to be able to put an outfit together that made me feel comfortable, professional and put together so that I felt successful enough to walk away from that Snickers bar.  Your closet should be free of clothes that are out of style, are too large or too small, or don't make you look and feel great.  The clothes you have should have room to breathe and come out of the closet ready to wear.  Not only will you feel better, but you will also have more time in the mornings for those other healthy choices, like preparing a healthy lunch.

3. Get out of the kitchen.  This is especially key for those who work at home or stay home to care for the kids.  If you tend to read, study, or work in the kitchen or at the dining table, create a new place for those activities.  It's too easy to nibble when everything is right at hand.  If you must work near the kitchen, consider painting the walls in that space a minty green or sky blue, as these are the color least likely to encourage your appetite.  And get the food out of sight - leave nothing but some fruit out on the counters.

These are only a few of the ways that your home can support your goals to get healthy.  Don't waste this coming year.  If losing weight and getting fit is a priority for you, figure out what you need to do to make it happen, then do it!

Is your house overweight? Clear out the clutter!

Before you rush out to buy color-coded bins to organize your stuff and attack your New Year's Resolutions, ask yourself honestly - do you just have too much stuff?  

Think about it, you can't stuff 10 pounds of flour into a 5 pound bag.  You can't pour 2 cups of milk into a 1 cup bowl.  Yet we stuff as much stuff (hmmm, is there a reason it's called 'stuff'?) into our homes as we can, never taking anything out, and think that the right bins, baskets and labels will solve the problem.

It won't.

Bedroom BEFORE Rivalee Design

Bedroom AFTER Rivalee Design - no new furniture was purchased!

If your garage is overflowing, your office creeping into the dining room, and the kids' toys everywhere, you could move to a bigger house, but I suggest the cheaper, easier, and more ecological idea of getting rid of some of that stuff. Here's how:

Make time. Set a timer for two to four hours. Turn off the phone and tv, turn on some great music. Limit distraction so you get more done.
Define the goal. Keep focussed: choose one closet, one room, one bookshelf at a time. Otherwise you just end up with a bigger mess. Make a pile for things to keep, things to toss, and things that need a little more thought (maybe you have to ask another family member about it).
Question everything. As you pick up each item ask:
  -  Have we used this in the last 3 months (or, if seasonal, in the last 2 years)?
  -  Could someone else use this better or enjoy this more than I am?
  -  Does owning this make my happy, or do I not really care about having it? 

  -  Am I only keeping this out of guilt?
  -  Does this fit (my body AND my age)?
Reconsider. Go back to the "keep" pile and take out at least three more things to give away.
Take action.  Take the "get rid of" pile to Goodwill immediately. If you could immediately shed 10 lbs the moment you decided to go on a diet, wouldn't you do so? With your house, you can, so take that extra weight and get rid of it!!  Put the "to think about" pile in a box and seal it up. Mark a date on the calendar 1-2 months away. If you haven't needed anything from the box, take it to Goodwill on that date without opening it up!

Once you get rid of all the stuff you are not using you'll be amazed at how much room you have and how everything can find a home so easily. 

 Good luck, and happy organizing!